The real victim is...

Damnit!

Blackhawk Down

Headlines -
"All Rhodes Lead to Win!"
"That Was Gross, Man."
"Dennis Green Instructs Media to Remove Crown from Bears' Ass"

Random Thoughts
Glad I was downstairs for the Halftime Show, Poppe's Prince Boner may have been awkward to be around...
That Colbert Kid has some issues when he drinks...(Kidding Colbert, but you're still in the box)
Glad to see that they can finally ship those Colts AFC Champion shirts to First-World Countries(Is that a thing?)...
For some reason I can't help but wonder if Doug is gay...
Pat's penis was not getting the crowd response it normally does...
Poppe's Hole in the wall > Dick in a Box...
OK, I'm out for now, Might add some more later...

BEARS WIN!

I can't believe that comeback...

For Some Reason I saw this Picture and Couldn't Resist. It gives me an excuse to make a Pat Squirting Tag which will surely be used again.

Sorry Pat, but since you blacked out during the SUPER BOWL; It's only fair that we get to poke a little fun, you hotshot you. Thanks for the juice.

A QUARTER!

Whoops.

Position Breakdown, Jello Wrestling Style

We'll see who really is going to win the Super Bowl....

Peyton v. Rex
We all know that the Cumslinger is gonna be throwing rockets in the ring, but if the internets are correct, Peyton already knows how to deal with cum slung his way.
Winner: Peyton

Dallas Clark v. Desmond Clark
Too tough to pick
Winner: Clark

Tank Johnson v. Booger McFarland
Well, tanks are good in fights, but jello could mess up the treads. Can't think of anything grosser than a booger in jello...
Winner: Booger

Tony Dungy v. Lovie Smith
Lovie's got the weight edge, but he's no Samwise, so there's no way he's taking out Gollum in fight.
Winner: Dungy

SIDENOTE: Girl's phone just went off in the library. Her ringtone: "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." AWESOME

Gary Brackett v. Brian Urlacher
Gross, Urlacher got herpes in the Jello.
Winner: Urlacher

Jim Sorgi v. Kyle Orton
I'm pretty sure Sorgi's still scared of just about everything after that hit he took in college. Orton mistakenly thinks it's Jello-shots.
Winner: Orton

Adam Vinateiri v. Robbie Gould
It's hard to kick in Jello. Plus Vinateiri is so dreamy.
Winner: Ladies

Sharpe v. Diesel
Can't argue with history. And history says Pat pins him with or without Jello.
Edge: Sharpe

Jesus v. (Muhsin) Mohammed
Jesus has no trouble with footing on Jello.
Winner: Jesus

Marvin Harrison v. Bernard Berrian
Berrian simply touches Harrison for the pin after a fan throws Harrison football and he immediately downs himself to avoid contact.
Winner: Berrian

Mike Doss v. Mike Brown
Both tear other ACL's upon entry.
Winner: Doctors

Jeff Saturday v. Olin Kreutz
Jeff Saturday has a concealed weapons permit. I will not pick against that.
Winner: Saturday

Welp, I added up the winners in my head....and it's a draw. Something like 4-4-4.
This is assuming Jesus is neutral in the manner. We haven't talked about it yet. But I hear he's been spending alot of his time split between watching over Raiders fans and counseling Lions fans.



ENDNOTE: I thought briefly about doing this as a post about players favorite "positions", but I didn't want to offend our large U-12 crowd. In case you were wondering, Jeff Saturday's is "anything where he can just lay there." Apparently he's never in been in bed with a Martin Scorcese "type."

Our first interview!

Hey everyone! I'm extremely excited to inform everyone that I will be interviewing Peyton Manning and Brian Urlacher via phone in just a few minutes! F-CK YEAH!!! This is such a huge step for our small blog and I really think it will get us at least 2 more readers. I'm not a big Colts fan but it will be so nice to hear Peyton's thoughts. He is a brilliant QB and I'm sure the translator he brings with him will do a great job translating whatever it is he does mumble so don't be too worried. Hold on while I take this call from Manning's people.

Well this sucks. It seems that Peyton considered this to be a big interview for him and he didn't want to break his tradition of not showing up for big situations. I feel like I just got Tom Brady-ed, hard. I'm sure this is a disappointment for you Colts fans but you should be used to this by now. Well at least we will have a good talk with Urlacher. Brian Urlacher! The liver of my beloved Bears (I say liver of course because we all know the Sex Cannon is the heart and soul of the Bears). Wait, do I hear something magical? The blasting of Bear Down can mean only one thing, my phone is ringing! BRB (be right back).

(incoherent mumbling)

Well this sucks again. Urlacher can't talk with me today because it seems that he has already gotten three women in Miami pregnant and he has to go through DNA testing all day. I feel my heart breaking worse than when we had home field advantage but lost to the Eagles. They are the home of brotherly love which I think we can all agree is the gayest nickname possible. F-ck da Eagles.

It had better not be Paris...how is she not barren yet?

I guess this is a lesson that everyone can learn from. The lesson of course being that there are two teams full of people to talk about and we shouldn't just spend all our attention on two players. The only two person story that I would even begin to accept would be the pro bowl kicking battle taking place on Sunday. I tried to get a an interview with the two kickers but Adam, yeah I can just call him Adam, said I spit such hot fire he was afraid I would melt the ice in his veins and Robby is too busy nailing all the Rexettes Sexy Rexy passes up. I guess we can just chalk this first interview up as a worse failure than when I asked Dungy if I could interview his son.

Hey! That is the same face Adam is making!

PS If you haven't read the Challenger crew Super Bowl prediction than you are yet to read the best prediction for the game I've seen so far.

Dear (Not Read Very Often) Diary

So........
It's been kind of dead around here recently. I guess I better take the Tech N9NE off loop. I haven't seen a party with 4 people invited die this fast since the last time I invited Mike Birbiglia to an orgy. I don't understand, you guys are all last semester seniors. Typical day for me last spring:
Wake up (9:00-11:00 a.m.)
Brush teeth(11:01-11:02a.m.)
Decide whether to play NBA Live in my room, or Tiger Woods in Poppe's room.(11:02-11:30)
Eat Lunch(11:30-12:00p.m.)
Play Video Games(12:00-5:00p.m.)
Get asked whose room this is by pledge - Respond "Do you think I would play video games on MY couch all day? This is Poppe's room, my couch is too far from the TV so I sit on the stool. Go Away." ALL DAY
Get asked if I ever have classes - 2 times a day
Get asked by Dan if I ever wear something besides shorts/sweatpants - 1 a day
Eat Dinner (5:00-5:30)
Play Video Games (5:30-7:00)
Watch Highlander(7:00-8:00)
Watch whatever TV shows I like at time(8:00-10:00)
Rinse, Repeat, Scrub Undercarriage

I mean seriously guys, what the hell? I mean, I enjoy hearing myself talk as much as you guys [enjoy] hearing me talk, but occasionally my fingers get tired. [Yes I know that means I now have landscaping duty] Let's go guys! It's the Playoffs! It's Sweeps! Even if it's only some comments!
Even if it's just an exclamation point! OK, that's it. See ya guys this weekend.