I am not sure if anyone on the blog reads Stewart Mandell's mailbag, but he has a challenge for us this week.
"TV-character analogies are fun. Bonus points to anyone who can come up with college football equivalents for the five major characters -- Dennis, Dee, Mack, Charlie and Frank -- from another Mailbag favorite, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia."
This challenge was proposed because of this question
Glad to see you are down with the two best comedies on TV, The Office and Curb Your Enthusiasm. These have been tough times lately for Dwight (dumped by Angela), Michael (bankrupt) and Larry David (dumped by Cheryl). Of the college "stars" recently "dumped" from the national-championship race (USC, Florida, Texas, Michigan, etc.), which do you think are, like Dwight, destined to come back in the coming years?--Trey Clark, Santa Barbara, Calif.
Not that any fraternity should be stereotyped by what its houses at other colleges do, but jeez. Um, another sermon here. I guess the video is down now, but you can piece it together if you can read.
Am I the only one that thinks its a little rediculous that pirates still exist in a modern world with GPS? I mean, aren't we able to just like track these things?
I am tired of the international waters being an excuse too. What is Somalia going to do? They support pirates? Careful, I think the next republican president might start a new axis of "evil".
Who could have imagined this just 5 years ago. After 86 years of misery the Red Sox now own the most World Series Championships in the new Milenium. Congrats boys! Ohh and the Cubs are still looking for that first championship in 100 years.
Ohh yea and A-Rod opting out during the Sox sweep just shows that he wants to be the center of attention and isn't a team guy. I hope the Red Sox just re-sign Lowell and dont bother with A-Rod.
So this is what it is like to do all the work. Seriously boys, I need someone else posting at least some of the time. I'm tired of reading my own posts and realizing how much grammar must hate me.
Best.gang.ever. For as gay as the dance fighting was some of the lyrics really reach the top of homodum. They go from talking about killing the kid to taking off his clothes. Sounds kinda like pledgeship actually.
What sadist invented the button fly? Seriously, why couldn't we just jump right to the zipper? Not only were the masterminds of science unable to skip directly over the button fly we have now decided as a society it is an ok invention to bring back. What moron was designing the same pair of jeans everyone has with some random, new tear when he thought, "Wow, I would love to delay peeing for a solid 45 more seconds." Have people never drank before? Am I the only one who pees a few gallons after drinking? I hate you jean designer. I hate you so much.
I know that they said during pledgeship that you couldn't ride bikes arounds campus.....but just wait till they see me cruising around on this bad boy. It's limited edition so act fast, I think Pat would look particularly good rolling up to the dorm on this red stallion!
The idea that bacon goes with everything is actually an ongoing conversation for me at the bars as of late. A girl is trying to figure out food items that would be gross if bacon were added to them but there just aren't any. Every time she tries to figure out something I wouldn't like I end up just craving some bacon pie or a nice bacon-banana-strawberry smoothie. Why do I want to throw more ns in banana?
Night Man Sneaky, mean Spider inside my dreams I think I love you You make me want to cry You make me want to die I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you Night Man
Every night you come into my room and pin me down With your strong arms you pin me down And I try to fight you You come inside me And fill me up And I become the Night Man
Just two men sharing the night It might seem wrong but it's just right It's just two men sharing each other It's just two men like loving brothers One on top and one on bottom One inside and one is out One is screaming, he's so happy The other's screaming a passionate shout
It's the Night Man The feeling so wrong and right, man The feeling so wrong and right, man I can't fight you, man, when you come inside me You pin me down with your strong hands And I become the Night-- The passionate, passionate Night Man
Mostly because I was getting tired of coming to this website and seeing the gay black dude with "Cum Inside" as our front page, I decided I should contribute just a bit.
So I took the day off of work today and was browsing the internet. And by taking the day off, I mean doing what I normally do everyday but instead not putting any effort at all into advancing my situation. So I was perusing different sites and came upon this little gem at WithLeather that I'm sure you've all see by now.
So wow. That guy is awesome. Think of the pleasure his emo girlfriend gets from those fingers. Do you think right before he tries his extraordinary stunts she rushes up to him and says, "Just be careful. For me." Then he walks off in slow motion, batting his eyes and thinking, "Man, when I get home, I'm gonna rest my fingers, put on some Dashboard, and make sweet finger loving to that girl. Right after she takes off her black and white catholic school girl skirt held together by bobby pins... because seriously, I've seen a lot of good fingers go down after getting a pin to the knuckle. It's the ACL tear of the finger boarding world."
Ok, back to the point. So because I was intrigued by this feat, I scoured the internet stacks (i.e. YouTube) and found even more videos, but none more repulsive than this one.
But dude, that video is awesome. You are probably thinking this to yourself. But yet you don't know why. Is it because some chubby handed bastard sitting indian style on the floor of his kitchen in his socks is creating his own slow motion grinds off of his Intro to Geometry book? No, thats not it.
Wait, maybe its the sick 49ers jersey the kid is rocking that I'm betting is an old Rice jersey that he found at goodwill. But no, only Colbert would get excited over that and he's not on this blog. Plus, he probably hates Jerry Rice ever since he went to Oakland.
Then what could it be... wait a second... no, it couldn't be...
They used the Rocky IV soundtrack for finger boarding?!?! What's next? Chariots of Fire in the Special Olympics?! (P.S. I love the question mark/exclamation mark... so many possibilities. Are you excited, questioning, confused? I don't know, GENIOUS!) What a great piece of music from arguably the greatest sports movie ever created. Necessary Roughness would be a close second.
So now, I just hope that this video doesn't ruin my viewing pleasure of Rocky IV like when an ex girlfriend ruins all of your fond memories of your sports team because she adapts them as "HER" team when you date. You know what? Seattle sucks... and so do the Seahawks. Hmm, might have gotten a little personal there. Oh well.
Well it's now time to end my post of the month... talk to you all soon. I might even get to see Kepler this weekend because I'm traveling to Funcie Muncie where I hear the donuts are fresh like Krispy Kreme. Or something like that.
So I'm in Lawyering Skills today (please laugh at the name of this actual class) and I got to watch an amazing freeze up after the most simple question of all time. We were talking about selecting authority for an open memo we have coming up and our prof asks if anyone has ever played the card game war before because she made these cards with different sources on them so we could do a little class activity.* The class is lacking in gunners and so of course stays quiet for fear of walking into a mind fuck. Dead silence went on for awhile when this little bomb got dropped...
Has anyone NOT played the game war? Did anyone miss out on being a child? All of you were children, right? Steve?
This is a question which can easily be laughed off or a simple, "Yes, I was at one point a child" would cover all bases. Instead, Steve decided to go down the I will throw up a blank stare road. He just sat there and stared back. I stifled laughter like an ass and just watched him stare back for a good 30 seconds before someone finally admitted to playing one of the most played children games of all time. I know the experience of hearing your name called in an actual class sucks (there are three Patricks in my section) but come on that was insanely simple. I get questions where I have to sound like a racist** to answer correctly* and this bastard can't answer if he was ever little.
*This is my favorite teacher due to the fact that she doesn't care that I'm always on espn in class and she does these great grade school class participation activities that have prizes. Want me to get into something? Offer me a prize. This doesn't count for sexual favors for guys though so don't bother. **I got called on in regards to whether someone's racist thoughts should come into play with his negligent action. The answer was no but there is no way I'm going to be the racist kid in class. I'm the kid who sits in the back and refuses to participate on idiot hypos, not the racist kid in the back who refuses to participate on idiot hypos. I bit the bullet and got a jab from the prof but it was all worth it in the end as Sharpton called me later on in the day and said I wasn't all that bad for a white devil.
PS How horrible were the Cowboys last night? That game just reminded me how terrible the Bears are rather than how Romo and Rex will probably have a laugh about this game when they meet up at the bar where all the NFL QBs. Sorry, no Poppes allowed.
I'm in Torts and we are discussing credibility which has made me desperately want to do the following in full out GOB style:
Stand up in class and yell, "Why be credible when I can be INCREDIBLE!!!" (fireball followed by me running from the room)
For some reason this is a hysterical idea to me right now. I blame my wicked hangover and tight pants. Wait, they are only tight because I'm hard as a rock.
So I'm in my torts class and someone just coughed and then had a good five second hack. I for some reason decided this was the height of humor and completely lost it. Everyone ended up staring at the wrong person. Great story.
Well after Purdue was able to get by Notre Dame a lot of newspapers and websites decided to mention our amazing banner.
Here are some quotes from around the Country:
Notre Dame is 0-5 for the first time in its storied history and has lost seven straight games over a two-year period. The future does not look bright with UCLA, BC and USC on the immediate horizon. The green painted sign in one end zone spoke volumes about the team's plight: "Rudy could start this year." -Dick Weiss, New York Daily News-
"This was against a punchless Notre Dame team whose struggles inspired the banner of the year: Rudy Could Start This Year."-Bob Kravitz, Indianapolis Star-
Today's Sign of the Day We will give Purdue fans this: They have the most creative sign we've seen this year. Playing off the "Rudy was offsides" and entire Rudy theme, this sits at the bottom of the massive Purdue student section: "RUDY could start this year." -Michael Rothstein, Irish Insights-
Oh yea and the banner was hanging outside the house all day Friday, so the house made it on Friday night SportsCenter. Must have been the first time our house was on TV without the words: suspension, arrests, or cops mentioned.
By substituting QB for RB, you arrive at the above equation. The Broncos can plug in whatever running back they want into their offense, and that running back will inevitably get lots of yards. The Bears can plug in whatever third-rate QB into their offense, and that QB will inevitably throw back-breaking interceptions and generally screw over the defense. Also Cedric Benson must secretly be a woman. Don't get too down Pat, at least the Cubs made the playoffs!
I would also like to personally thank Donovan McNabb for his 3 point performance last night. "May his hat fly as high as his dreams"
I hope Chad caught them mentioning how Cutler beat Zionsville in the RCA dome for the state championship, I thought it was a good touch.
I would also like to congratulate myself for winning both of the Fantasy Baseball leagues I played in this year, despite drafting players that I had literally never heard of before. Congratulations self, you are now richer than you were before yesterday. I can now completely ignore baseball again, just as the world was intended to be.
Here are some quotes from around the Country: