flying of the handle

What sadist invented the button fly? Seriously, why couldn't we just jump right to the zipper? Not only were the masterminds of science unable to skip directly over the button fly we have now decided as a society it is an ok invention to bring back. What moron was designing the same pair of jeans everyone has with some random, new tear when he thought, "Wow, I would love to delay peeing for a solid 45 more seconds." Have people never drank before? Am I the only one who pees a few gallons after drinking? I hate you jean designer. I hate you so much.