This may be the greatest thing I have ever seen!

http://www.holytaco.com/if-i-die-bacon-related-death-id-it-be-because

you wont regret clicking on this.....words can not describe......

Cook me up a pound of this post! You know?!?

The idea that bacon goes with everything is actually an ongoing conversation for me at the bars as of late. A girl is trying to figure out food items that would be gross if bacon were added to them but there just aren't any. Every time she tries to figure out something I wouldn't like I end up just craving some bacon pie or a nice bacon-banana-strawberry smoothie. Why do I want to throw more ns in banana?

Health and Nutrition

Here's my approximation of an appropriate food pyramid for a person living on their own such as myself. Those of you going off on your own soon would be wise to mimic this, although you will have to be able to ignore the Checkout lady when she looks askance at you when you buy 15 pounds of meat at one time.

A few notes

1. The foods at the lowest end are the ones you eat the most.
2. Salami is the best choice for lunchmeat. It "stays" the longest, and it does not suffer from the "wetness" of other lunchmeats. No one likes wet meat.
3. Bacon is delicious, it really deserves it's own category.
4. Cheese snacks includes crunchy and soft cheetoh type snacks.
5. For those smartasses out there, it says Frozen Pizza, not frozen popcorn.
6. Fruit and "greens" are not important. They didn't invent vitamins so you can be forced to gag down disgusting organic things.
7. Steak would be lower on the pyramid, but it is expensive. I advise stocking up whenever it is on sale.

Blog-related notes

• Since I imagine most everyone who reads this blog will be gone for the next week, this is probably the last post in a while. When we return we can have a competition for most embarrassing photo. Or if you wish, "em-bare-assing"...for the ladies.
• Anyway, please don't call me if you get arrested, I am not allowed to give actual legal advice. Save that 50 cents for a condom for "Bruce." You don't want to leave the slammer with no dignity AND anal warts.

(1/189th of a) Milestone

And upon the 80th Post, God Stepped Down from his Throne and Went to Heaven's Technology Center and Said, "Randy, why are so many people bitching about the weather today? I was just about to drop this bag of bacon-scented dollars onto Adam in the library but I couldn't concentrate. Are you messing with the Midwest because they pray too much again?" And then Randy Stood Up From his Desk made of Clouds and Bird Feathers and Said, "Sorry, God" Whereupon God unleashed the Fury from the Depths of Hell upon Randy and Randy said "My Lord, that itches something fierce!" and God Chuckled and Mountains trembled and God Forgot All About the Bag of Bacon Scented Dollars and Adam yelled a Deep, Primal Yell and then All was right again in the Universe.


So what does that mean? Absolutely nothing. So you can tell I'm bored again. I have been practicing my "dead eyes" in the hallway though. If eyes are the window to the soul, I want mine to be able, upon command, to tell strangers that in no uncertain terms that I have no soul. It does help in keeping people from sitting next to me on the bus...

Whereupon Adam Lessened the Thrust of HiS Forceful Digits upon Hist Keyboard and Descended His Mighty Pointer onto "Publish" And so says the book of Pears and Applesauce.