This Is What It's Like When Worlds Collide

Wow. That was a lot of fun. However, I can only imagine the shit storm that will be Illinois and Indiana during the next two weeks. I also noticed that there were a lot of weird things that happened today. My favorite? Dan Marino having to give a very forced congratulations to Peyton Manning and the Colts for winning. I'm sure he is not liking the fact that in future years my kids, (God help me if that happens) will most likely ask me, "Isn't that the guy from Ace Ventura?" when they see him on TV. Of course, Dan would probably be ok with it and just be the cool, calm, collective Dan we all know...



Or not.

Anyways, i thought, in true Barely Breathing fashion, I would list some of what I thought were the weirdest moments of the day.

Bears vs. Saints

• Reggie Bush taunting Brian Urlacher. Ok, so you are a rookie. There might be some things you may not know. Hell, you may not even know that Testeverde still plays. (I didn't till I accidentally spotted him as Brady's backup.) But I would hope you know who Brian Urlacher is. I'm pretty sure he could be a bouncer for Hell. I can only imagine what would happen if these two were to meet in an alley. My fantasy is that it would play out like that time when Rocky chased the chicken to train. Only Rocky would look more like Magnus Vermagnussen, have the man power to fuck Paris Hilton and NOT get an STD, and the chicken would be able to dance. (Nice endzone dance Bush).

• The Bears scoring offensive points. I kept looking at the score thinking, man, that Chicago D must be having a hell of a day to put up those points. But no, it was the gunslinger himself putting up a couple long balls in his true, "Fuck it" fashion. Still though, I probably won't buy Devon Hester a present next year for christmas... because he will probably return it. Ba da Ching!

• Lovie Smith actually made facial expressions. I think, and yes I'm going to repeat myself. I THINK I saw Lovie Smith maybe smile and even attempt to raise his hands after the game to celebrate. However, I still think he managed to answer his, "How do you feel, you are going to the Super Bowl?!" question with, "We are 13-3 and Rex is our quarterback." Anyways, congrats. Here's to two full weeks of hearing about two African American coaches in the Super Bowl.

Colts vs. Patriots

• Shannon Sharpe picked the Colts in pregame coverage. Once again, I may have been fooled, but I think I heard him say, "Imma godda go wida Codes on dis awone." This from the guy who two years ago said, "I would have a better chance hitting a snowball out of Yankee Stadium in Hell with a toothpick than the Colts have of reaching the Super Bowl." Yea, I remember that. And today, even though you picked us, I can finally say, FUCK YOU! Why? Well, my Colts are headed to the Super Bowl and you still talk like a retarded kid who has been eating glue and then trying to lie about it. "I pwahmid dadda diddida eadda gwoo." I'm sorry God, I really am.
  

• The Patriots have a reciever with bigger eyes than Marvin. Oh my god. And then one more time. OH. MY. GOD. Reche Caldwell, do you even have to hold your eyes open when you put in your contacts in the morning? I think the uncovering of this phenomenon is the ultimate find in my life. I now have the power to create the ultimate Trinity of Peripheral Vision...

Well, I would write more, but that picture just made my night. Anyways, regardless of what happens in two weeks, I think it is safe to say that there may be fisticuffs by the end of the Super Bowl and if I know anything about a good fight it's, Always make sure there is someone big to back you up. DAN KLECKO WHERE YOU AT!!!!!

Big Man Love.... You Gotta Love It!