HA! My Kind of Day...

For anyone who is too lame to get the title quote -- it is from, what i argue to be, possibly one of the greatest Batman films of all time, Batman Forever. Why you ask? Mostly because Tim Burton sucks and this was the best film from that era of Batman... the new era is looking to be promisingly better... however, this is not why I'm writing this post. Oh no, today was a good day in the life of Ryan W. Poppe.... I gotta stop giving out my info. Soon beautiful babies from all over will be stalking me and to be honest........ thats awesome. I also love elipses.

Anyways, tonights blog shall be about why today was so great for me.

I woke up today at the crack of noon. (I love being an intern... they expect so little of you). Next I decided that I would go downstairs and catch up on the exciting world of sports but got sidetracked when I watched the video of Stu Scott being made fun of by Chad Johnson. What a great video.



Then I basically sat around until my roommates (i.e. my parents) got home and my dad thought we should all have a cocktail on the back porch before my sister and her boyfriend got home. I thought this was a great idea too because I love alcohol... in fact, I know everything there is to know about alcohol. Especially things like.. it makes me laugh, play mid 90's tunes on my guitar (read my last post) and fall over to the likes of my friends. So we have a couple of drinks and I am feeling toasty. We go to Bella Vita in Indy which is Italian for something like "45 year old women who have boob jobs and tan too much like to go here to eat dinner and try and cheat on their husbands." Did I type that out loud??? Anyways, we have a couple of martinis... and if I have learned anything it is that martinis are like tits... One is not enough and three is too many.

So I have three.

Needless to say I am drunk and enjoying dinner too much when we decide to go back to the house and have some more drinks and a cigar.

My dad decided today however that he was going to live the "High Life" and he bought a case of Miller High Life. I'm not sure if it was the Champagne of Beers line that got him or if it was the funny fat black dude, but I have no explanation for why my dad decided that High Life would be good. So I choke down and couple of High Lifes, have a cigar that I'm pretty sure may have started puberty for me and then I go to meet my friends at the Beer Sellar.

The Beer Sellar is great. I love the Beer Sellar. What a great name. We order drinks, the waitress is cute, and I even think she likes me... but then again she probably just got off work from Hooters next door and is used to whoring herself out for tips.

So we continue drinking and the guy who was playing guitar was mentally mind fucking me because he was like a jukebox in my head. He kept playing every song I wanted to hear but he would only play about 47 seconds of a song before he switched to a new song. When he mixed Comfortably Numb with Breakfast at Tiffany's I knew he was it... He just secured his spot at number 20 on the if I were gay list. Congratulations bar guitar singer guy... you are number 20.

For some reason... and I think it was the fact that I was asking people if it would be ok for me to smash my glass over this weirdos head because he looked funny... it was decided that we would go home. I got to listen to Creeping Death by Metallica on the way home which is enough to make me want to kick a baby in the head... politically correct??? no. True??? Yes. (and for a great bit on pregame music which features this song visit Kissing Suzy Kolber).

Needless to say I am really drunk right now and super pumped but I thought I would share it all with you. So... with that said, much love, I'm going to bed, and I will see you all in the morning. Peace! Cheers! and Prost!

Diesel OUT!

Scaredy Pat

So I'm pretty freaked out about the idea of someone buying Michael Vick's old house. I once read this story on CNN or something about how this cemetary for pets was on an indian barial and all the pets started to come back to life and kill people! Shit! I'm curious to find out whether or not Michael Vick's "pet cemetary" house was on an indian grave site but we all now how well some animals with curiosity end up. I instead am going to put out on open call to all young children who have recently buried their dog to go down to wherever Vick's pet death zone is and promptly stop the threat.

ps-fuck indians. You never did anything all that great (except for drink, die, and rob your own people of nearly as much as the government, and be much sexier than pat) and I refuse to capitalize.
pss-sorry in advance to Klein because he has to have some indian blood in him due to his love of knives and fire water

Southern Hospitality

I was recently reading a forum about college football; in which all SEC fans said that teams like Ohio State, USC, and Texas would lose 3 or 4 games every year in their conference. This made me laugh, and I almost commented but I realized that it is not worth arguing with these people. They do not understand the rest of the country and have not for some time. If you need any evidence about their sanity; then just think about how they STILL reenact Civil War* Battles. In some cases, if there are not enough Union soldiers present, Confederate soldiers are asked to change sides, or become galvanized yankees, for the day/event. That is pathetic for the South. Obviously the rest of the country wants to put this, embarassing time for our country, behind us and will not even participate in these events, and yet the Southerners continue to reenact these battles. I think that we need to do a better job limiting sibling marriages** in the South, because obviously our current rules are not working.

*In the south it is referred to as the “War of Northern Aggression”.
** We definitely need to at least stop them from inbreeding, like Frank from “Always Sunny in Philadelphia” said “banging your sister is wrong”.

Things That Make Me Mad

It's been awhile since I did one of these, but recently, lots of different events have been happening that have driven me to the edge. It's now time to vent. However, for this segment in my Things That Make Me Mad volume, I will stick solely to social events that involve drinking. Think of it as a 60 minutes special edition kind of deal. Here we go!

People who can't get my name right.
I was born with a normal name. My name is Ryan. Oh god, now its out in the open, I hope I don't get stalked. And if I do you will be greatly dissapointed. Anyways, I tend to be formal when meeting people at bars and when I am introduced to new people I usually say, "Hi, I'm Ryan." Simple enough yet many people still tend to scream back at me, "Brian?!?!" This is fine, I'm still not bothered, I usually say, "No, it's Ryan... RRRRRRyan." However, if they scream back at me, "Brian?!?!" again, I get very, very, angry. Just think of the Hulk if instead of turning green he turned pale white. The reason I get angry is because if you were questioning the first time if my name was Brian, and I said anything other than, "CORRECT!" why would you repeat the obviously wrong name again, only louder, making it that much more annoying. This is when I tell them my last name which in a loud drunken environment is pandoras box of problems when opened, leading me to the next thing that makes me mad which is...

People who find my last name funny.
My last name is Poppe. Not Pop-E, not Pope-y, not Popay, not poop. Saying any of these in a laughing tone is enough to make me not like you... ever. My name is exactly like the Catholic guy, the Pope. This is usually how I explain to people how you say my last name after they can't discriminate between Ryan and Brian. This generally leads to the obvious joke that everyone seems to like when they say, "Hey, haha, where's the lawyer and the rabbi? Get it... get it?" Yeah... I got it... good one.

Red Headed girls who buy Red Headed Sluts
Yeah, we get the fact that you have red hair and that there so happens to be a drink with your hair color in the name. However, contrary to popular belief, I do not find it "neato" that you feel like this drink was named after you. I think that I have been attracted to maybe one red headed girl in my life and by saying I was attracted to her I mean she had big boobs and they distracted me from her god awful hair color.

Girls who sing and dance to "Like A Prayer"
I don't think I have ever met a girl who doesn't have some kind of retarded dance that she and her friends all made up one night to "Like A Prayer" by Madonna. As soon as the song comes on they all go apeshit and race around the entire bar rounding up the troops so they can all show the guys they are talking to some halfassed Spice Girls-esque dance. It's almost as bad as when everytime a Journey song comes on, every guy in the bar starts singing the song in a horrible Steve Perry imitation voice. Let's just say I think we said all we needed to say with Journey back in the 80s... let's leave them be.

The Acoustic Guitar Player at the House Party
This is going to be the last one because this really pisses me off. However, there is a fine line for this one. I will be the first to admit that I LOVE to play guitar when I am drunk. I love to warble out songs because I find it funny. This, if you ask me, is ok. And since I am writing this piece and am laying out the ground rules, it shall remain ok. What I dislike is when a guy sits down and starts to play some John Mayer or god help me if I hear an attempt at a Dave Matthews Band song again. I mean, can girls truly smell the desperation? I don't know whether to go kick him or congratulate him on finding the legal form of rufies. I can't tell you how many people have duped girls into hooking up with them by singing lame songs. It doesn't even matter if you are good or not, if they are drunk and you have no shame, it's like fishing with dynamite. I wont say anymore but I will leave you with this... "I know from experience dude, if you know what I mean."

Well, thats about it, I just become to angry for my own good when I write these things. Well then, lets end it on a good note. I love you all, except for Griz. He's actually number one on the things that piss me off list. Cheers!

Good Eats........

The country of Greece celebrated today at the creation of the ultimate potato chip!

Ingredients include: lamb & mint flavour, cream powder, and lamb powder.

Always remember; the Hoff says, "Be safe, Chad Responsibly."

FINALLY

I have always wanted to witness a robbery, and this past weekend it finally happened in Chicago (right outside Sojo's place). I got out of my cab and saw 2 African American males with black ski masks in their hands. This immediately made me suspicious and I watched them (from the other side of the street) as I waited for Sojo to come let me in to his apartment. I saw them pull the masks on and run in to the 7-11 and 2 minutes later they were sprinting right at Sojo and I. Finally I had my chance to be a hero and foil these 2 males plan*. I of course was not 'hard' enough and ran inside behind Sojo, and we watched (from a window) as they ran down the street**. It was very scary and Sojo almost started crying.



I totally let Charlie down, and next time I will do my best to build my street cred up.


*These 2 males must have spent all of their 'free time' from skipping school to come up with this brilliant plan.
** I did call 911 and reported the crime, so its not like I didn't do anything.

More Than Meets the Eye

In honor of the release of the Transformers live action movie, I thought I would satisfy Adam and I's spank banks with a little old school Transformer action. I doubt a better 80's cartoon was created...ever.