Robot!

[Re-Update?] Reset the Poll. If you want to fix the vote you can comeback everyday and vote once. That is all.

[Update] By the by, for those of you who don't mind seeing some of the episode beforehand, there's some pretty hilarious clips from the next episode of the office here. [Tri-Update] I guess they took the best of the videos down...so I won't spoil what happened for you...but you definitely do not want to be wearing underwear when you watch the office next thursday.


I've got a lot to do this week, so I probably won't post too much myself. If you want to imagine what I would have written, you could probably just go watch Arrested Development, and it will be pretty close, only better and with moving pictures.

I'm So Good at Procrastinating, I Wrote This a Week Ago and am Now Just Posting It

As I'm sitting here in the computer lab doing everything I can to not write my paper, I realized something I'm really good at. Procrastination. Someone once said, and I believe it was Mark Twain, "Procrastination is like masturbation... in the end you are only fucking yourself." Ummm, that seems like it is supposed to have negative connotations, but for some reason I only think thats even more of a reason to procrastinate. Because, I believe it was another scholar, a Mr. Maggart that once said, "I'd rather jerk off and fall asleep then have sex and cuddle." Well put Mr. Maggart, well put. Anyways, below, I compiled a list of how you can actively procrastinate.

Its sad really...

Search the Internet
Nothing wastes more time in the world than surfing the information highway known as the internet... or as I like to call it, the International Porn Station. (IPS for short). There is literally anything you want to find on there. Just the other day I found a girl with two heads trying to find a date to prom. I was captivated. My only question was, does that count as a threesome for the guy that hooks up with her/them? Perhaps it would be a two and a half some... interesting.

Grandparent Porn... if this rooms a rockin, it's probably just a chair...

Clean your room
Yes, I know this sounds like a mothers idea, but seriously it works like a charm. Not only are you getting all of your Star Wars action figures in thier right places once again after acting out the battle of Hoth for the 9th time this week, but you don't have to feel bad about procrastinating. Atleast you are doing something productive right?

You may just want to touch it up...

Do A Friend Check
One of my favorite tactics. I like to wander around and see if any of my friends are around possibly looking to procrastinate as well. Remember... two procrastinators are always better than one, its not lonely and you also can come up with creative ways to not do work. However, if you live alone, you may say, Diesel, what about me? I've already thought ahead. Go to neighboring houses and knock on doors, then proceed to ask for usefless stuff like hammers, extra screws, duct tape, maybe a step stool. Not only does this take up time, but the stuff is so small, perhaps your neighbors will forget about it and then think, FREE HAMMER!

Here's some free hammer for you... love those pants...

Watch TV
This is a tricky one, because the whole point of procrastinating is to do something that makes you feel as if you are NOT wasting time, when in fact you are. The trick to TV is that for every 5 minutes of PTI you watch, you have to watch atleast one minute of the Discovery Channel. This way, when someone says what you did today, you don't just quote Woody Paige in claiming that Kobe is not a team player. Besides, the Discovery Channel is pretty clutch, I mean, Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, How Things Are Made, those shows can put you in a trance for hours and they are meant to be educational... way to go procrastinator!

Ahhh, the old boob tube

Well, I'm sure you all have many other options, but because even this is taking away from my procrastination time, I have to end it, so remember your 5:1 TV ratios and also when borrowing from neighbors, keep it small and simple so they will forget easily, don't take their riding lawnmower in other words. So until next time, whenever that may be, take care and good luck in your procrastiventures.

P.S. - When lookin for pictures in a computer lab, it is unwise to search for Internet Porn while people are around... they tend to give you weird looks, or so I hear

Two Mannings in a row

Too many Mannings in a row.

United Way

"Why is the door open?"

Sweet and Sour: Sports

Sweet

Sport brings us many great this. Sox, Bulls, and Bears are a few great examples and now the Sox have done it again. When Ozzie isn't busy winning championships he is actively engaged in some of the best quotes in sport's history. Example:

Those ceremonies -- 'Oh, let's bring back those guys from 2005,' we're all crippled and fucked
up, pushing wheelchairs, kids crying because his dad was on the ballclub -- fuck that,'' Guillen said. ''I don't need that bull. A bunch of fat guys, another one is broke. 'Hey, where's your ring?' 'Oh, I don't know, I sold that son of a bitch two years ago.

This is what happens when you ask Ozzie about a possible 20 year reunion for the 2005 series winners. Ozzie takes a lot of heat for being a homophobe with a foul mouth but lets be serious for a second. Who do I know that isn't a homophobe with a foul mouth? The media is also in trouble with the Patrick Police because they should know that Guillen has a free card when it comes to saying anything racist or sexist because he is a minority. This means that he can say anything he wants about other minorities. It has been voted on at a national level and all now all accept this idea as law. Guillen just needs to keep to making comments when we are winning as opposed to last year when we were in a playoff race and he is talking rather than managing.

Sour

What the fuck are gorgeous women doing marrying Eli Manning and Jeff Garcia? These two should be getting hitched to each other...anally.* Not only do I dislike both of them on both a personal and professional level but Jeff was actually rumoured to be going to the Bears. Forcing me to cheer for him who be on par with losing the super bowl. I'm actually even going to add pictures so that no one can doubt the hottness. (two ts)

and

So yeah. Um, Jeff Garcia is marrying a total dime and Eli's bride to be looks cute from the side. Does she not realize that after Eli loses his virginity that he is most likely going to eat her? That or they jump down from the bunk bed he shares with Peyton just to show her his rocking Pokemon card collection (gotta catch em' all). Why does he even allow people to photograph him? I have actually seen that picture, it is in the dictionary next to creepy.** Seriously, look more uncomfortable. The only reason that girl is laughing must be because he just proposed. Moving along to Mrs. Garcia. Does anyone else thing this is hilarious? I always just thought it would be a Mr. and Mr. Garcia. Instead he shocks us all by hooking up with a girl whose boobs are bigger than her head. How did he even meet this woman? Were they both buying the same underwear and a conversation started? I just don't understand. Add it to the list right next to the female vagina I guess.

*I already claimed being a homophobe so this is completely ok. It is like using the "I don't want to sound like a racist, BUT..." before saying something terribly racist defense.
**Has this joke ever been funny? I'm sure even the first time it was used that the sayer was made fun of for looking at a dictionary.

A call to arms...

Wow, that sounded a ton less gay in my head. I'm talking gay as in take it in the pooper rather than happy. When do you think the last time someone say gay and another person actually took it as happy was? Do you think they were under 90? Do you think they experienced the great depression? Do you think they were around when 69 was just a number?

Anywho I just saw wwtdd use the word "boss" and now I'm on a personal mission to make this word come back. It is from the 80s, probably, and I think we all know that everything from the 80s are worth bringin' back.

Also, I'm a total fag for typing bringin'. Thanks.

PS I just typed this and I refuse to edit it at all. Not even a spell check. PEACE

Or Candy!

I haven't posted a video in a while and since the office isn't supposed to be new for another two weeks, here's a few things that happened a while ago we might all have missed.

This is a video of the cast and crew of the office reading an article written by Jenna Fischer for Esquire magazine. Horses huh, who knew?



I thought that maybe a few people would enjoy this picture from the summer as well, there's more but they are too graphic to post...so you can see them if you click here.