Sweet and Sour: Sports

Sweet

Sport brings us many great this. Sox, Bulls, and Bears are a few great examples and now the Sox have done it again. When Ozzie isn't busy winning championships he is actively engaged in some of the best quotes in sport's history. Example:

Those ceremonies -- 'Oh, let's bring back those guys from 2005,' we're all crippled and fucked
up, pushing wheelchairs, kids crying because his dad was on the ballclub -- fuck that,'' Guillen said. ''I don't need that bull. A bunch of fat guys, another one is broke. 'Hey, where's your ring?' 'Oh, I don't know, I sold that son of a bitch two years ago.

This is what happens when you ask Ozzie about a possible 20 year reunion for the 2005 series winners. Ozzie takes a lot of heat for being a homophobe with a foul mouth but lets be serious for a second. Who do I know that isn't a homophobe with a foul mouth? The media is also in trouble with the Patrick Police because they should know that Guillen has a free card when it comes to saying anything racist or sexist because he is a minority. This means that he can say anything he wants about other minorities. It has been voted on at a national level and all now all accept this idea as law. Guillen just needs to keep to making comments when we are winning as opposed to last year when we were in a playoff race and he is talking rather than managing.

Sour

What the fuck are gorgeous women doing marrying Eli Manning and Jeff Garcia? These two should be getting hitched to each other...anally.* Not only do I dislike both of them on both a personal and professional level but Jeff was actually rumoured to be going to the Bears. Forcing me to cheer for him who be on par with losing the super bowl. I'm actually even going to add pictures so that no one can doubt the hottness. (two ts)

and

So yeah. Um, Jeff Garcia is marrying a total dime and Eli's bride to be looks cute from the side. Does she not realize that after Eli loses his virginity that he is most likely going to eat her? That or they jump down from the bunk bed he shares with Peyton just to show her his rocking Pokemon card collection (gotta catch em' all). Why does he even allow people to photograph him? I have actually seen that picture, it is in the dictionary next to creepy.** Seriously, look more uncomfortable. The only reason that girl is laughing must be because he just proposed. Moving along to Mrs. Garcia. Does anyone else thing this is hilarious? I always just thought it would be a Mr. and Mr. Garcia. Instead he shocks us all by hooking up with a girl whose boobs are bigger than her head. How did he even meet this woman? Were they both buying the same underwear and a conversation started? I just don't understand. Add it to the list right next to the female vagina I guess.

*I already claimed being a homophobe so this is completely ok. It is like using the "I don't want to sound like a racist, BUT..." before saying something terribly racist defense.
**Has this joke ever been funny? I'm sure even the first time it was used that the sayer was made fun of for looking at a dictionary.