We Have got to get some dusters

Oh and the office was pretty good too.

I'm going to die...

One of the girls in front of me has bathed in perfume. She should have foreseen my revulsion. I'm never going to make it through this class.

Thursday Televison Takedown

Ok, that title was lame...hella-lame. Anyway, it's not like we have an editor, so get over it. Tonight is a very special night for television. Not only is it the season premiere of the Office(hour-long, starts at 9), but we also get our third straight week of one hour of IASiP. So there is two hours of television(1.25-1.5 if you skip the commercials) for you enjoyment(except Pat, who apparently bought the starving law student cable package that doesn't get FX or FSC, which is gay). The Office will start out the season with 4 hour-long episodes, so be prepared to bring your own recorded sound track so you can enjoy it even without your sense of humor.*

I have not yet watched the House season premiere, but I did watch Heroes, which was pretty good. Some notes:

• The white samurai was kinda lame. I mean, wouldn't it have made more sense for Hiro to just time travel back right away. And regardless, why are they(Star Trek guy and Ando) sitting around waiting for him when he can time travel back to any day he wants. I think time travel in itself makes me frustrated because there's too many things that make it so implausible.
  
• I think the latina lady's power is like some kind of uber-opera singer falsetto weapon or something. They all seemed to be bleeding from the ears. Either that or some kind of roast beef weapon that makes their eyes bleed.
• Cheerleader's story was superlame. And Peter Pan was pretty creepy as well.
• Does Parkmen have no friends? None of them are wondering why he now lives with a 7 year old girl? Why does she own him? What kind of pussy is he?
• Who else besides me would get super excited if somebody was rushing at Mohinder and all of a sudden he punched them from like 10 feet away with his extending arms...just me? OK...
• I hope they explain how Nathan flew Peter up into the stratosphere and then didn't get hurt by the explosion. Did he drop him? I mean what the hell. Why didn't Peter just fly himself? Anyway, now Nathan's in the Taliban and Peter's hanging with there guys who make Paddy's Irish Pub look like it's straight from Dublin.
• I like swords as much as the next guy, but if someone marked me for death...I think I'd just get a gun...c'mon.
• From what I can tell they are going to start introducing a ton of new characters...which I'm kind of on the fence about. I'm a little worried about oversaturation, and the fact that I already don't really care about some of the characters they have.
  

OK, that's enough for now. Happy viewing.



*Sidenote: If you don't have the Third Season DVD, i recommend it. 3 hours of deleted scenes, including one from the Ben Franklin Episode where Dwight asks Michael if he came in his pants while getting a lapdance.

Kids suck at sports.

Little Girl Gets Completely Destroyed by a Soccer Ball

Yeah, she'll definitely be on Maury in 15 years for her morbid fear of soccer balls. Wow.

Get humor videos at NothingToxic


I'm so tired of mediocre sports. Soccer is a blast to watch but not when they are women and it is on instead of sports center. This holds up even if the women are naked. That's right, I'm more interested in sport center in the morning before class than I am in watching chicks play sports naked. You may think this is gay but I bet all of you watch SportsCenter in the morning and only very rarely jack instead. When women's sports aren't being covered over my beloved SportsCenter then SC is covering silly events like the WNBA finals. I would rather watch myself playing basketball and I'm horrible. I wouldn't even watch the WNBA finals if it were Chicago vs. Indy. I don't even know if our cities even have teams.


Women's sports don't even have cool controversies. Men's sports have performance drugs, dog fighting, and gambling while women's sports are still stuck on racism. Do they really think nappy headed hoes is the worst thing to come out of someone's mouth in regards to women's sports? How about the fact that women's sports suck and they are a complete waste of time and money. I would rather watch men's lacrosse than women's basketball 100% animals of the time. The only women sports worth letting on TV are golf and tennis because there are a few good looking women playing these sports. The only sport I've seen at the top level have a woman defeat a man is cup stacking and cup stacking is a level below me playing madden on the wii in terms of athleticism.


I'm also tired of kids sports. Oh, your kid is really good at 10 and under soccer? I bet he sucks in comparison to me, which is sad. The only people who care about child sports are parents and pedophiles*. Watching a clump of children move a ball around until it accidentally goes into the goal or seeing some kid swing a bat as tall as he is just isn't enjoyable. The only time they are fun to watch is when kids get injured which is why I posted the video. I don't want kids to get seriously injured but if my parents showed me that video today and said it was me I would be pumped. That video is more than likely the greatest sporting moment that child will ever have, not unlike Chad and high school. I'm sorry Chad and to make it up to him I will say he was an extremely impressive C team receiver.


*I for some reason typed pedeophile and actually busted up laughing. Throw an O on the end and I bet it is the Spanish spelling.


Just for all of you wondering how funny law school is I'm just about ready to post about my new favorite person: Nick, my class' gunner.

With Leather Steals Our Posts

Ok. Just to go on record... I did bitch about Drew Brees as my fantasy quarterback first... before With Leather did here. I think our blog is getting so famous that other people have to steal our material. Either that or I am just one of 10,000 nerds across America bitching about fantasy football as if my job were on the line like a head coach.

I wanna be part of the team!!!

Sports and Why I'm Starting To Get Mad

**FANTASY FOOTBALL**

Alright. I know everyone loves fantasy football, but after carefully thinking about my picks, figuring out who will be passed to more, who will share carries, who are the constant producers, and even who might be my one "sleeper" pick... I am 0-3.

The worse part is that I'm not one of those 0-3 that lose by the second highest point total that day, oh no, I'm pretty much the lowest point total every sunday. The annoying part?? It's usually one person on my team that decides to be a freakin jackass and not produce... kinda like having 5 turnovers in one game and no touchdown passes. And no, my quarterback is not Rex Grossman, actually, come to think of it, Grossman might have made more points than my illustrious starting QB this week and that pains me, because I love my quarterback. He came from the best school in the Big Ten. He played in the Rose Bowl. He has a giant birthmark that I'm pretty damn sure he could have lasered off by now or something, just so it doesn't look like he missed his mouth with a fudge pop and then forgot to wipe his damn face. D. Brees, why do you do this to me?

I wasn't looking at it, I swear!

**COMMERCIALS DURING GAMES**

I don't think anyone will deny that I love Peyton Manning. In fact, he's actually number 16 and 18 on my "If I Were Gay" list. Thats #16 for his college days at Tennesee and #18 for his pro days. I like em young... what can I say.

What I don't like about Peyton Manning is that even I am becoming annoyed by his TV commercials. Let's all be honest. He peaked with his, "Cut that meat! Cut that meat!" ad. Yeah, I realize that he is still freakishly good and the commercials obviously aren't bothering his playing ability, but if I have to see him fake duck under that oompa loompa sized doorway and say, "Suh whay wouldunt yuh watch it on uhh Sonay?" and then sit down on the couch, I'm going to kick my dog straight in his fluffy head. It's quickly taking over the "This is Ouuuuuuur Country Ads". Go read KSK about the Sprint ads that make up the stupid city names for where people need service. Thats a good argument for my second least favorite ad.

"Your defense is offensive." - The Glory Days

**GREG ODEN**

I remember high school as a lot of me sitting around with my three friends thinking about which Metallica video we were going to watch that night. Should it be A"Live Sh*t - Binge and Purge" night or perhaps it was a documentary night where we could watch "Year and A Half - The Recording of the Black Album".

Am I a loser because I did these things? Probably, but I'm bigger than all of you now and I will beat you up. Unless I drink and in that case, even a 170 lb guy can take advantage of me.

But seriously. When I went to Lawrence North High School... we sucked. No one went to games because our football team was horrendous (actually, our defense was offensive), and our basketball team were all white. Not that I'm racist, but lets look at the Pacers. Good GMing Larry. Next he'll start holding Pep Klan Rallys to get everyone pumped. I bet Jermaine O'Neal even feels like he is losing any street cred he could of had by being on that team. Seven in Broad Ripple is going to turn into a giant fraternity house with guys like us actually being the cool ones.

But I digress (Adam, I'm going to need confirmation if that is the right word... not really sure what it means but it sounds right).

Greg Oden was supposed to be the one thing that made me look like I went to a cool high school. I was there his freshman year and ever since he became the phenom he is, I have ridden his coattails and lived vicariously through his coolness by trying to link myself through him through our highschool days. I usually tell people that we were like the Fonzie and Richie Cunningham of LN. With me being Fonzie of course because, Heeeeeey, I was way cooler.

And now.... NOW, he's going to ruin our Happy Days by having knee surgery that only like one person has ever come back from? Thats great. He's going to be the Ryan Leaf to Kevin Durant's Peyton Manning. I'm pulling for you Greg, but seriously, you're killing me.

**A HAPPY ENDING**

Well, I'm always one for a nice happy ending. (Insert asian joke here). So here is my happy ending for you all to think about.

Notre Dame. 0-4. Purdue. 4-0. Nice.

Next weekend, I like our chances of helping along Charlie Weis' imminent heart failure from eating so much comfort food that his heart clogs and his gastric bypass surgery explodes with more force than opposing defensive lines towards his precious boy wonder Clausen. (On a gay side note... dude, let me cut your hair, you look like the little bastard kid on the playground in grade school that would wear grey shirts with howling wolves and spilled red Kool Aid on them).

There is nothing more that is making me happier this year than watching an ex-Patriot lead a team that fired a winning coach that was responsible for Weis' only two good seasons just absolutely fall apart. Better yet, Purdue is already 25 in the coaches poll and is looking to be ranked again. Tiller, you're ok for now, atleast until next year when your entire defense is gone. But hey, as Hunter S. Thompson would say, "Buy the ticket, take the ride."

So with a nice quote from a guy that eventually shot himself in the head because he just got bored with living. I shall sign off and maybe in another month I'll post something again.

Diesel Out!

Irrational Hatred and other notes from yesterday.

I'll tell you what, I don't think I could hate a team more than I hate the Patriots. I don't even give a shit about the "cheating" or whatever. It amuses me because it got The Sports Guy all worked up until he wrote like a 10,000 word article accusing everyone else of cheating. Personally, I would be disappointed if they had gotten a higher penalty just because it would give them an excuse for anything that goes wrong for the entire year. But I digress, what I'm trying to say is that I hate them irrationally, and it actually makes me angry that their players are [not] getting injured. LIke when someone tackles Brady, I keep thinking, if I were that fat lineman, I would probably step on Brady's junk "accidentally" as i was getting up. I mean surely they have to be just as tired of hearing how great he is. And it completely flabbergasts me how a team can go an entire game against the patriots without having someone dive helmet first at Brady's knee, or from piledriving Randy Moss into the ground breaking his back. I just don't understand it. But obviously they are the best team until somebody beats them right? Logically if you win the Super Bowl like they did then get better in the off season then everyone should say you are the best team until you are beaten right? Check.

Fantasy Checklist for Monday
1. Trade for Philip Rivers. This guy is some kind of something. I mean, ignore the fact that he basically handed the game to the Patriots in the first quarter... I mean, have you seen him jump pass? I'm pretty sure all the other quarterbacks don't do it because he patented that move or something, but I know you make your best throws when you jump and use only you arm to get power on the ball.
2. Cut Tomlinson. He didn't even attempt a pass...worthless.
3. Hire Shawne Merriman as life coach. That guy can stay positive and excited even when his team is getting bent over dumpster and violated. Even getting chained to a tree and having his girlfriend have sex with Dennis wouldn't bring him down.

Sidenote: to be honest, I thought the serial killer episode of Sunny was like 5 times better than either of the episodes they showed last week.

Lateralnote: Did anyone see the preview for that Chuck movie and even get remotely amused? Who told Dane Cook he could act, Ryan from the OC?

Adjacentnote: Just wanted to get that in, I actually don't have anything else to add.

Actually, I'm a little peeved that the office got shafted during the Emmy's, but then again, they only gave the best comedy to Arrested Development once so we already know that they are not worried about awarding the best show.

*Editor's Note: Apparently the KSK guys share my distate for Tom Brady's knees.

For Tom...

I don't know why this computer posts things so weird but...

Just a tip Tom, you're supposed to eat their vagina,* not their face. Zing!


*Yes Adam, I literally mean you are supposed to eat their vagina. I know you were getting ready to make that comment you smug bastard.

For Adam...

Fandl gave this to me.

Law School Week Four Realization

You actually have no right whatsoever to party. You also may not fight for said right without risk of punishment. No word as of yet in regards to whether or not you may be Intergalactic.

Wednesday present.

THIS is for you Pat.

Scroll down to the Nip/Tuck part.


Clearly I am busy today.

The Gang is almost back!

Here's like 8 more It's always Sunny shorts to get you ready for thursday.







Oh and here's a link to a full episode.

Now go do your Charlie work.

Football Note

Sorry that that last video is bigger than the area it is supposed to be in...actually no, i'm not sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to publicly note my shock that Mike Brown is injured for the season. He makes Bob Sanders look like Cal Ripken (not literally, but in the games played sense, I would not wish on anyone to actually look like Cal Ripken).* I can only imagine that Brown wore himself down during Training camp returning interceptions for touchdowns. Not that it really matters, if the Bears can't make the playoffs in the NFC, they might as well drop out of the NFL and put flags on their pants. Everyone knows that American is better than National...(Seriously who thought of that? Could they not think of anything less inane?) Anyways, time to get back to the Uniform Commercial Code.

*Karma, if you are going to punish me for this, please take it out on Rob Morris.

Title.

You might have already seen this, but I don't really care. I admire so much about this . His patience and dedication are very admirable. The way he lisps his S's is not so admirable. I am impressed that he would set it up even though he won't be able to see their reaction.

You can see the rest of their pranks here. I've only watched the first one, which is funny but his "sex tape" is disturbing. I imagine it's kind of like the audio to one of Pat and Tom's "sessions" if you phased out the crying.

Hello Again

You know, I should really try and write on this thing more. I like to think that I am really busy, but actually, I'm not. I'm the exact opposite of busy. In fact, you might say that I am the antithesis of busy. That last word was for the lawyers, Klein, you'll most likely have to look that one up.

Well, my tenure with the Colts is over. I handed in my playbook and took my nameplate from above my locker. This was all a shock to the team who hadn't realized that I had put my name over Corey Simon's nameplate with white tape and a sharpie. SUCKA...

So now I have been unemployed for about a week or so. It's pretty sweet, except like the part where I don't even get intern wages anymore and I get extremely bored. But don't worry, I have America's Game with the Colts on DVR. I almost teared up.

Lets talk about the world of sports eh? I know thats what everyone wants to know my opinion on. Michigan? Wow. Notre Dame? Wow. Can't wait for next weeks game. You can guarantee all you want about that game, all it proves is that you both still suck. Thats like pitting a deaf person and someone with a lateral lisp in a debate. At the end they still are both going to be handicapped.

That tennis dude won again. Hooray, I can't think of anything more exciting. Wait, yeah, I can. I think when I watched my cat jump from the floor up to the sink... yeah, yeah, that was definitely more exciting. Oh he's friends with Tiger? Coooool. Cool cool. Yeah, he's still not interesting.

Colts v. Saints - You guys know my take. Good game. Nice to see the defense remembered to play this season.

Bears @ Chargers - I honestly thought Rivers was going to take off his helmet and bash that ref in the head after that goalline fumble call. That was my highlight of the game.

Ravens @ Bengals - I was kind of letdown by Ocho Cinco's performance. I thought he was going to light the place on fire or something. Like literally light it on fire and dance around the inside laughing hysterically. That would have been entertaining.

Well, those were my rememberances, I would put something about MNF part two but it was just so bad that I might break something recalling it all.

Good news to everyone that cares... I'm coming to Bloomington this weekend. BAC, you better be there dude. It's Kent's bday so that means... well, it just means that we are going to drink in a different place (for me) than usual this week and probably sing a really drunk Happy Birthday to the annoyance of the bar crowd that night.

Well, I'm off to uhhh.... well nothing important. I'm probably going to watch TV, apply to some jobs, then watch a movie. Maybe I will go to the beach this week. Who wants to go? B, I know you're down. Law school will understand. Maybe Chad's mini donkey can give us a ride out there.

Till next time,

Diesel, Out!

What is the jail time for buzzing killing?

So I've found out that I'm not an enjoyable person to talk to anymore if you aren't also in my section of law school. I really don't have much other things to talk about which sucks. In this vein I have found out that my criminal law teacher is the most amazing buzz killer in history. He loves to make jokes about murder and rape (this would make sense if you were in class and people tried to speak legally in regards to things such as analingus or pulling out your penis) but he loves to mention right after cracking up the class that these cases are about actual people. Fuck that. Don't get raped or murdered in funny ways and maybe law students won't laugh at you. Slut.


On a side note I'm on a volleyball team for law school so hilarity will surely ensue.

I am enjoying most of law school but it is bullshit that it has ruined law and order for me. A good deal of law and order just would never happen. Ever. Search and seizure and lawyer misconduct just don't exist in their fantasy world.

I have an ethics conference with med. students tomorrow @ 9 which I'm pretty pissed about so I will probably be a huge dick during it. I'm sure stories will come from it as the med. school and law schools already don't like each other. Med/Mal. for the win!*

*I can say this because I have a perfect immune system. Never been sick.

More Commercials

I'm pretty sure the commercials with Bush and Manning had to have been written by guys who write Two and a Half Men, or some other equally insipid show.

Even I was surprised that the Saints defense only scored 7 points.

That commercial where Peyton talks about them getting into the friendship circle would have been way funnier if halfway through his description, they would have hiked the ball and had somebody drill him. No one believes that he's hardass, why would you base your commercial about that.?

That John Madden guy is insightful, he really picked up on the colts drafting a running back right after losing their starting running back to free agency as a "smart move." He and the announcer in Madden 04 should compare notes.

I think i have Super Bowl letdown...after watching the COlts play in the Super Bowl, it's just not the same adrenaline as watching them play a plain old regular season game...plus it's kind of hard to get really excited while you're watching them play by yourself. If there's no one to get embarrassed in front of for losing your temper, then what's the point. Tree falling in the woods, etc.

Taking out the trash sucks...

Erin hates Jim Gaffigan if you're going to see him tonight, just so you're aware. She's says he's a jerk and a bad father but strikingly handsome in person.

I would really recommend going to see a famous comedian, I saw Dave Chappelle before he went insane and even though the only joke i remember was about him fucking a grandma, it was alot of fun.

Alot should not have to be spaced out, that is the queerness.

I only have 15 more minutes to ramble on so we'll see how far this gets.

We should really be posting more often on the blog, but i'm afraid to cover topics i've already bitched about in the archives.

No one looks at the archives.

I wish I could make a sadface that would go with the Blog Name, that would be lumber.

Does anyone know sojo's e-mail address? I want to invite him to the blog.

Anyone else who would like to join can write something funny and send it to me or Sharpe or Diesel...we're still waiting on yours Chad and Beno.

Is it legal to wear a sword? I haven't taken Weapons and Martial Arts Law yet?

That last sentence shouldn't have been a question.

I honestly have been thinking about ways I could get any lamer...and I'm having trouble.

I'm still the smallest guy at the gym...everytime...I hate that. Are steroids illegal outside of the sports world?

Everytime isn't a word either, Jeebus.

Speaking of the gym...who brings their own hand chalk? In a tupperware container no less? If that guy didn't have arms as big as my legs I would laugh at him but as it is I try to make no eye contact. There's only one exit from the top floor of the gym ...

I'm hitting a wall, it's hard to come up with stuff to talk about when the last time I had a conversation with someone besides Erin that wasn't on the phone was like 2 weeks ago. I need to get a blow up friend with a tape recorder or something. Then I could put him in the passenger seat and drive around like I'm the shit, or get 4 and have a packed car. And then at home we could wrestle and I could bowl at them and we could watch lifetime and... i'm out of time.

Jarring

I saw a woman who looked like Tony Dungy in drag with long hair...it was utterly macabre.

The Slutmobile

So I'm wasting time in my legal research class with a few like minded law studentos when we begin to discuss this trashy girl in our class. We begin to list the attributes which would make us all believe she is a slut; multiple colored hair, visible bra straps every class, sign on her back listing prices of various sexual acts I didn't know existed, worn out look, blowing the prof, etc. when the one girl in the conversation drops what she believed to be the girl's ultimate slut move...she drives a red Camaro.

This in itself led to a large discussion into what the ultimate Slutmobile could possibly be. My own personal vote was the Cavilier. This car's price is so low that it is easy for a girl to be as cheap as her automobile., it has ample room in the back for the bimbo to get back at her abusive father, and has plenty of get up under the hood for those emergency smoke runs. I'm a personally a virgin, waiting for marriage, but I know a lot of extremely slutty young ladies who put out for Bacardi Silvers and who drove this car with the extent purpose to get a quick dickin' while they were in high school.



Game On!

Another young lad in the group had a moment of brilliance and threw out the Eclipse.* I found this car to be an amazing addition because not only did slutty girls love this car but border line harlots dropped panties hard for this "sweet ride." The Eclipse pumps up the whore factor to around 10 because the car is so easy to pimp out with bad ass additions such as flames, shitty ground effects, or your last name in Mexican writing. The Eclipse just exudes skankisity because to the untrained automotive eye the car looks like it should be kinda quick. The people like me who know/love cars and automobile magazines know that in fact the Eclipse is a piece of shit but that it is perfect for the kind of girl who will let you shit on her.

The Camaro stuck in my mind because this is the ultimate high school hip car where I grew up. Yeah, I drove a Mustang, was class president, won state when I was 13, went for over $500 in our date auction, and was the school's resident Star Fox 64 ace** but I couldn't a candle to someone rocking a Z71. I've been to some pretty trashy dance bars*** and I can say that 100% of central illinois white trash hussies drive camaros. The color of choice is maroon and the position of choice is anyway they can screw and still smoke. Hot, hot, hot. The car is also hot because a lot of them are stick and a lot of skanks like to sit on said stick. No condom. Slut.

The Camaro description actually kinda grossed me out on proofread so I'm going to move this article to the discussion section and see what you boys think the favorite for Slutmobile would be. Cheers.


*You can probably get away will the dirtiest sex acts you have ever considered if the girl is driving an Eagle Talon. This is the pre-Eclipse and it is reserved only for the most hardcore of loose women. You could be romantic with one of these whore buckets and whisper sweet nothings into her ear but it is really hard to do that with your dick already in it. Huzzah!
**Chad's high school street cred still slays me
***Stone Country, it was a line dancing bar until 10 on the weekends. I can honestly say that the grossest girls I've ever had the pleasure of "hooking up with" came from this place, which is sad since some of you have seen me with some truly poor looking ladies, but this all came while I was sober.

Just In Case You Were Wondering

Since many of my fellow bloggers are either in lawyer school or “the real world” I feel obligated to update you on what life as an undergrad is like. Well after getting my homework for the week done; I am in prime position to go out and enjoy the amazing Purdue bar scene. I guess I will head out to Jakes tonight around 9 and probably stay until around 2. I plan on blacking out in an attempt to get a hot* formal dinner date, I think my odds are good because it is sorority bid night so all the seniors will be out.

After a heavy night of drinking I will attend my 2 classes tomorrow afternoon, and then get ready for my football scrimmage**. After the game it is buddy function time. Buddy Function should be interesting for 2 reasons:
1). I definitely don’t know my buddy.
2). My sister is now a Pi Phi so she will be here.
Of course these reasons will not stop me from getting drunk and embarrassing myself before I head to Stacks.

Friday I will attempt to make my 8:30 before I head over to the elementary school to hang out with my little brother*** (I am pumped for recess). After that I will be drinking while helping Daily set up for formal dinner. We will definitely be playing power hour during the dinner, I may not even eat so I have more room for Franzia.

Saturday is breakfast club and tailgating with my family (they are upset the Sharpe’s won’t be next to them this year). After the game we will go to stacks and enjoy a great dinner of party fries and Green Dragons, with Rumpies for dessert.

Sunday will be back to my homework and getting it done by Wednesday so I can repeat the same cycle next weekend.

*Of course when I am so drunk I can’t stand my judgment is usually not so good (at least the Tri-Pi’s won’t be out).
** “If we lose I am dissociating”, Chad before he lost to a team with girls on it.
*** My little brother is white...because I requested a white kid.

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