What the f@ck is a Joakim?

Chicago just got a whole lot uglier. The Bulls skipped over a sea of attractive black men and Josh Mc(Dreamy)Roberts to draft the worlds ugliest person. Disagree?



These are pictures of him not even playing basketball. I could have pulled a low blow and put up a picture of him actually participating in sport but lots of people look ugly while sporting.* Noah has pulled off ugly 24/7 365. This "man" is so hideous that I'm pretty sure Hostel 2's controversial ending was actually just a montage of Noah pictures. I know winning the French Open is for poor people but surely his father could have found some way to get him braces. Poppe woke up to Sportscenter once and did his little scared yell because they showed a Florida highlight where Noah did nothing other than catch a killer pass from Brewer and do some uncomfortable dunk. True story.

He is also not only incredibly ugly but he is only ok at basketball. When experts say that your best skills are long arms and the ability to run the floor then you are obviously awesome since basketball involves nothing else. Noah has officially succeed in winning the genetic lottery and being able to run. I'm great looking and can move yet people rarely sign me to huge sport contracts.** Klein could look amazing if I surrounded him with the talent on Florida's national championship teams. I'm next to positive that half their roster was selected in the first two rounds. I'm not laughing.

Now comes the actual point of this post. Can I hate my favorite basketball team due to only one player? This question mainly goes out to you Pacer fans because I would have hated the Pacers until Artest left.*** He single handily sunk that season and I would have blamed him entirely. I got over Rex because of his rampant sexuality and I embraced Rodman because he was hysterical when he messed with Malone and NBA Jam was sweet when you could change his hair color but I really just hate Noah. The only thing I could cheer for in regards to this freak is a sweet injury ala Shaun Livingston. I would YouTube this more than Rick Astely videos and the This is Why you Suck song combined, which is impressive. I'm so mad that this post has become like half gay. I'm so pissed that only amateur porn can cheer me up. I really love amateur porn though. I refuse to proof read or spell check this so that at least Adam will also be angry.


*Have you seen the faces some of you make while reliving your high school sports dreams during intramurals? Helpful hint-don't play in gyms with mirrors. Seriously.
**I'm now the face of MLS. Suck it.
***What team drafted him? Oh yeah, the Bulls. I remember him being sane for a few days with the team and then he applied at a Circuit City for a job so he could get a discount. I didn't even know Circuit City sold "beat your wife." Must have been a special deal or something.

For Pat. From Chad.

because I know he loves cats...

Don't Call It A Comeback

I've been here for years. Actually I have been gone for the past 2 weeks doing really hard work at the College World Series like laminating, and taping, and a little meteorology on the side. Enjoy!


Check out the stud at the 1:48 mark.

How much would you pay to shit yourself?

Call me old fashioned, but when a drug has the side effects of: "The stool may become oily or loose (steatorrhea). Increased flatulence is also common. Bowel movements may become frequent or urgent, and rare occurrences of fecal incontinence have been seen in clinical trials; the alli website recommends that users wear dark pants, and take a change of clothes with them to work," I usually don’t even consider taking it.

Sadly, due to the over-indulgent Americans along with their tendency to cling to the latest trends, stores can’t seem to keep this drug on the shelves. A close source who works at the Walgreen’s corporate office in purchasing and distribution revealed that the day of the products release, all the Walgreen’s in the Chicagoland area ran out of the pill. How sick is the American public (I think I can safely say in this case, mostly women), how gullible are you that you will go to the length of shitting yourself while your at work, or while your in class just to lose a few extra pounds. The website says it plain and clear, "In one-year clinical trials, between 35.5% and 54.8% of subjects achieved a 5% or greater decrease in body mass, although not all of this mass was necessarily fat. Between 16.4% and 24.8% achieved at least a 10% decrease in body mass." This means that if you lose 50 pounds in a year, which is healthy, and you take this pill you will lose an extra 5 pounds, at a cost of $730!! The package when bought costs $70 for a one month supply. Can you imagine paying $146 to lose one pound, cause thats what your doing.


I know I have gone on a rant, but if you know anyone who is stupid enough to take this, please slap them in the fucking face, kick them in the ass (check their pants first), and make them read about how fucking stupid they are for paying money to shit themselves, I know old people who do that everyday for free.

Always remember, the Hoff says, "Don't Do Drugs"

HR/PR/Typical Work Place

Work life balance. I love how my past/current employers always say they have a great work/life balance program. Yet it seems you have to work at least 40 hours a week between 9am and 6pm Monday-Friday and can't take off more then 21 days a year (never more then two days at a time), unless you want to get singled out. Its cool though, you get to dress casual on Fridays. Maybe that's what they are referring to.

Diversity. Yeah right. I think I once saw a director/partner that was not a white dude once??? There was a gay secretary at PwC last summer. Maybe thats what they were referring to.

First Fridays - - Free Lunch everyone!!! (Sold. I am working here forever)

All the 30/40 somethings ask about what "wild times" you had on the weekend Monday mornings. I think I should shock them sometime and say I beat a hooker in an alley to see the look on thier face.

Graduation Gift

I know it’s a little late (especially for BAC), but I have gotten you guys a gift. I know, I know I didn’t have to get you guys anything, but I really wanted too. Anyways I know you guys have started new jobs, or are preparing to start jobs, or in Pat’s case doing nothing, and I figured you could use something that would remind you of Purdue. I am sure you are all going through Stack’s withdrawal (I know I am) and wishing you could get a Green Dragon in your new home, or at least wishing you could make one for yourself. If you are like Colbert and I you always tried to watch which alcohols the bartenders used, but never were coherent enough to remember which ones they used. Well today is your lucky day, because I found out that Stack’s has a website and they have a page with the recipes for their specialty drinks. Without further ado here is the list of drinks you can now make for yourself.

Now all you need is some 80's music and a wooden bench and you have yourself your own private Stack's.

Bloggin'

NonSexual

Words will be here later.