What the f@ck is a Joakim?
Chicago just got a whole lot uglier. The Bulls skipped over a sea of attractive black men and Josh Mc(Dreamy)Roberts to draft the worlds ugliest person. Disagree?
These are pictures of him not even playing basketball. I could have pulled a low blow and put up a picture of him actually participating in sport but lots of people look ugly while sporting.* Noah has pulled off ugly 24/7 365. This "man" is so hideous that I'm pretty sure Hostel 2's controversial ending was actually just a montage of Noah pictures. I know winning the French Open is for poor people but surely his father could have found some way to get him braces. Poppe woke up to Sportscenter once and did his little scared yell because they showed a Florida highlight where Noah did nothing other than catch a killer pass from Brewer and do some uncomfortable dunk. True story.
He is also not only incredibly ugly but he is only ok at basketball. When experts say that your best skills are long arms and the ability to run the floor then you are obviously awesome since basketball involves nothing else. Noah has officially succeed in winning the genetic lottery and being able to run. I'm great looking and can move yet people rarely sign me to huge sport contracts.** Klein could look amazing if I surrounded him with the talent on Florida's national championship teams. I'm next to positive that half their roster was selected in the first two rounds. I'm not laughing.
Now comes the actual point of this post. Can I hate my favorite basketball team due to only one player? This question mainly goes out to you Pacer fans because I would have hated the Pacers until Artest left.*** He single handily sunk that season and I would have blamed him entirely. I got over Rex because of his rampant sexuality and I embraced Rodman because he was hysterical when he messed with Malone and NBA Jam was sweet when you could change his hair color but I really just hate Noah. The only thing I could cheer for in regards to this freak is a sweet injury ala Shaun Livingston. I would YouTube this more than Rick Astely videos and the This is Why you Suck song combined, which is impressive. I'm so mad that this post has become like half gay. I'm so pissed that only amateur porn can cheer me up. I really love amateur porn though. I refuse to proof read or spell check this so that at least Adam will also be angry.
*Have you seen the faces some of you make while reliving your high school sports dreams during intramurals? Helpful hint-don't play in gyms with mirrors. Seriously.
**I'm now the face of MLS. Suck it.
***What team drafted him? Oh yeah, the Bulls. I remember him being sane for a few days with the team and then he applied at a Circuit City for a job so he could get a discount. I didn't even know Circuit City sold "beat your wife." Must have been a special deal or something.
10 comments:
If only Tank hadn't been cut. There always would have been that possibility of Tank/Tank's bodyguard gunning down Noah. On the plus side Rex's Sexiness just went up another 10 poits.
I hate Artest for fucking up the Pacers and more importantly, Reggie's last chance at a title. However, the sudden influx of stately and cute white guys (Mike Dunleavy and Troy Murphy) makes me happy once again! We might as well bring back the Dunking Dutchman in all his glory...ha.
Do you think Andy Katz will start covering the NBA just so he can continue to give Noah BJs?
Oh and the Pacers never "really" had a chance at the title, and Reggie was not that good.
I forget which basketball team is Beno's, all his sports teams are from different states if I remember correctly.
I never hated Artest because I always secretly hoped he would flip out and kill the Coconut Monkey(rasheed wallace). I hate Tinsley because he's fat, and Dunleavy because Homo Erectus wants his eye sockets back. I also hate Larry Bird for having the decency to at least regrow his awesome mustache if he is going to make us perpetually mid-level shitty.
1. When do I start?
2. The little person that I made out of clay in the 2nd grade doesn't even come close to how ugly this kid looks on any given day.
3. I am personally volunteering myself to have sex with this his mom (sweedish model) just to prove that I could produce a better looking child.
At least I don't have to volunteer for sex...wait...
good one Beno...at least the Pacer's won a game in the finals...oh wait, we won two. How many did Cleveland win again...?
p.s. your banned from the blog
I just wanted to get man prided, that is why I made that comment.
jk Beno
Post a Comment