Bad Excuses

As the end of the semester/year approaches i have heard some terrible excuses for NOT going to the bars this semester. I am truly dissappointed in some people that will not be named, but they know who they are. Anyways here are some of the more popular responses.

1). "I have a lot of homework."
Real Meaning - I was being lazy all week/hanging out with my girlfriend and didn't get my shit done. Come on it is Wednesday night at Jakes, cheap drinks, slutty girls, you know that will be more fun then homework. And you know if you wait til Wednesday night to do your HW you will get several drunk dials from me. Lets see if I can get my engineering shit done you can get yours done, and seriously Wednesday is the start of the weekend.
2). "I am tired."
Real Meaning - I plan on staying in and watching TV. Or you plan on drinking by yourself, either way its not good.
3). "I don't have any money."
Real Meaning - I would rather spend my money on something other then alcohol. Unless that other thing is a prostitute, you are making some bad decisions, and even the prostitute is a questionable call because who knows how that could end*. Plus you had plenty of money when you ordered a BigTen combo.
4). "Which bar are we going to?"
Real Meaning - I have to meet up with some other people. You will run into them reguardless, there are 3 1/2 fun bars** at Purdue I am sure they will see you at some point. Harper and Colbert can ask this question since they both are banned from certain bars.

Seriously just come to the bars, you will have fun unless you are Scholtes, and then you just won't have fun period.

*Joey had sex with a Hooters girl in highschool and got robbed. I dont know if she was a prostitute but I like to think that all Hooters girls are.
** Maybe even less then that: Stacks, Jakes, Brothers, and 1/2 the time you go to Harry's as long as its before 9.

Everybody's laughing and cornholing except me...

Since everyone else seems to be doing it, I'll give my thoughts on bars.
My goals when going to the bar(s):
1. Don't meet anyone new. I have enough(8) friends, I don't need any more. I do not want to be saddled with remembering any new names, and I do not want to tell strangers how law school is.
1a. Spend very little time with "acquaintances": Too much time and they become "friends" see 1.
2. Spend as little money as possible. I will rarely, if ever, buy drinks for other people (unless it will be reciprocal, or a special occasion, or to convince them to do shots of Rumpleminze). I will always take free drinks, and make sure that no one else gets more free drinks than I do.
3. Put money in Jukebox, never hear songs requested. That's a given.
4. Make sure lungs are worse off than before coming to bar. This is important, especially if you exercised (walked to bar) beforehand. You've got to balance that out, and alcohol isn't going to affect your lungs properly unless something goes terribly wrong.
5. Try to stay at one bar. More bars = More strangers/acquaintances. Allowances are made for hot dogs.
6. Tell Sojo that girl he's been eyeing is ugly(if he thinks she's cute), attractive(if she thinks she's ugly). Always fun.
7. Take Prairie Fire shot if someone will buy it for you. It's free alcohol for me, and they get to watch me spit and try not to throw up for at least 15 minutes. I'm pretty sure John0 is the only person who's ever taken me up on the offer though.
8. Remind self to correct Sharpe when all the "bad things" from the night before suddenly were caused by me.
9. Try not to refer to myself as an inebriated version of an important Biblical figure...just in case.

[By the way, the other day I referred to Fridays as "the same as any other night except I don't have to go to school the next day." So don't ever leave undergrad, or live 30 minutes from civilization.]