Everybody's laughing and cornholing except me...

Since everyone else seems to be doing it, I'll give my thoughts on bars.
My goals when going to the bar(s):
1. Don't meet anyone new. I have enough(8) friends, I don't need any more. I do not want to be saddled with remembering any new names, and I do not want to tell strangers how law school is.
1a. Spend very little time with "acquaintances": Too much time and they become "friends" see 1.
2. Spend as little money as possible. I will rarely, if ever, buy drinks for other people (unless it will be reciprocal, or a special occasion, or to convince them to do shots of Rumpleminze). I will always take free drinks, and make sure that no one else gets more free drinks than I do.
3. Put money in Jukebox, never hear songs requested. That's a given.
4. Make sure lungs are worse off than before coming to bar. This is important, especially if you exercised (walked to bar) beforehand. You've got to balance that out, and alcohol isn't going to affect your lungs properly unless something goes terribly wrong.
5. Try to stay at one bar. More bars = More strangers/acquaintances. Allowances are made for hot dogs.
6. Tell Sojo that girl he's been eyeing is ugly(if he thinks she's cute), attractive(if she thinks she's ugly). Always fun.
7. Take Prairie Fire shot if someone will buy it for you. It's free alcohol for me, and they get to watch me spit and try not to throw up for at least 15 minutes. I'm pretty sure John0 is the only person who's ever taken me up on the offer though.
8. Remind self to correct Sharpe when all the "bad things" from the night before suddenly were caused by me.
9. Try not to refer to myself as an inebriated version of an important Biblical figure...just in case.

[By the way, the other day I referred to Fridays as "the same as any other night except I don't have to go to school the next day." So don't ever leave undergrad, or live 30 minutes from civilization.]