Barely Adequate: Our first interview!

Hey everyone! I'm extremely excited to inform everyone that I will be interviewing Peyton Manning and Brian Urlacher via phone in just a few minutes! F-CK YEAH!!! This is such a huge step for our small blog and I really think it will get us at least 2 more readers. I'm not a big Colts fan but it will be so nice to hear Peyton's thoughts. He is a brilliant QB and I'm sure the translator he brings with him will do a great job translating whatever it is he does mumble so don't be too worried. Hold on while I take this call from Manning's people.

Well this sucks. It seems that Peyton considered this to be a big interview for him and he didn't want to break his tradition of not showing up for big situations. I feel like I just got Tom Brady-ed, hard. I'm sure this is a disappointment for you Colts fans but you should be used to this by now. Well at least we will have a good talk with Urlacher. Brian Urlacher! The liver of my beloved Bears (I say liver of course because we all know the Sex Cannon is the heart and soul of the Bears). Wait, do I hear something magical? The blasting of Bear Down can mean only one thing, my phone is ringing! BRB (be right back).

(incoherent mumbling)

Well this sucks again. Urlacher can't talk with me today because it seems that he has already gotten three women in Miami pregnant and he has to go through DNA testing all day. I feel my heart breaking worse than when we had home field advantage but lost to the Eagles. They are the home of brotherly love which I think we can all agree is the gayest nickname possible. F-ck da Eagles.

It had better not be Paris...how is she not barren yet?

I guess this is a lesson that everyone can learn from. The lesson of course being that there are two teams full of people to talk about and we shouldn't just spend all our attention on two players. The only two person story that I would even begin to accept would be the pro bowl kicking battle taking place on Sunday. I tried to get a an interview with the two kickers but Adam, yeah I can just call him Adam, said I spit such hot fire he was afraid I would melt the ice in his veins and Robby is too busy nailing all the Rexettes Sexy Rexy passes up. I guess we can just chalk this first interview up as a worse failure than when I asked Dungy if I could interview his son.