My Theory of Constructive Ridiculing

So I was sitting on the bus yesterday, and I was thinking, whose genetic flaws will I make fun of in my mind next when a kid whose eyes were WAY too close together walked onto the bus. So I chuckled in my mind but then I started thinking, how dumb is that? Making fun of something about a person that is impossible for them to change is not productive. It's like, how many times has someone called me short and I've thought, "Wow, that really hurt, that really went right to my insecurity about my inability to grow..." I mean, how stupid is it when you make fun of someone for being what they are? I mean, if I say something stupid because I'm running my mouth, of course I expect to be ridiculed. But if I hit myself in the head because I just allowed a goal in NHL 07 and it's messing with my goalies season stats, well, I can't help that, it's like a reflex or some shit. Might as well ask me to stop looking at myself in the mirror. (Although that is kind of different, you don't just walk past great works of art without admiring them, it's rude.)

What I should of thought was, "Hey kid, you're an undergrad at IU, you probably haven't read a real book since Dr. Seuss became too blase for you. I can't wait til you come to me for legal advice because you want to sue the doctor who removed the shampoo bottle that "accidentally" got stuck up your ass."

You see, that would have some benefit for him. By pointing out that he is lacking in something that he can fix, stupidity, rather than something he cannot, ugliness, I am benefiting society. Of course, if he were less ugly I could be more efficient by being able to look right past him and move on to someone more in need of my "advice," but that's probably thinking on too micro of a scale. In closing, I bring you this famous quote, "You don't throw stones at big tortoises because they're slow moving rock impersonators; you throw stones at big tortoises because they are not living up to their teenage mutant ninja turtle potential."


Sorry, I felt this needed some multimedia, and I love this picture.