A Day at the Gym

So I recently became a full time member at a gym. I thought I would discuss with you some of the experiences and thoughts that go through my head on a normal day there.

Walk into the gym. Hold door for an old lady. Try not to think about death.

Walk up to locker room. See an old man naked on the scales. Wonder why he needed such an exact measurement.

Go over to locker. Try not to breath through nose. Change into different socks. Successfully stand on one foot while removing other sock and putting new sock on in order to avoid touching floor.

Put on weight lifting gloves. Wonder if other guys think I'm a "nancy-boy" for wearing them. Admit to myself that I like having soft hands.

Walk out to weight room. Immediately look for someone smaller than I am so I can feel a little better about myself. Don't find anyone, try not to make eye contact with any of the bigger guys.

Girl walks up to dumbbell rack. Secretly hope that she doesn't take weights that are heavier than mine. Mental sigh of relief when she doesn't quickly changes to smug satisfaction that I could take her in a fight...probably.

Ha. I can do that with 2.5's added to each side!

Listen to music. Try not to mouth words silently. Notice big guy looking at me. Hope he doesn't come over and make me give up my machine.

Notice much bigger guys looking at me. He and his friend are laughing. Can't hear them. Hope it's not about me.

Try not to talk to anyone. One time guy walked over and said something to me, I responded with unparalleled voice crack, he looks at me funny. I try to find way to talk to him again so he doesn't go tell everybody that I'm the guy with the funny voice.

Big guys see weights I'm putting on the bar, not impressed. Neither am I. I take solace in fact that I am probably smarter. Will keep holding on to that as he curls very large weight.

Go over to leg machines. Sit down. Do reps. Get up. See girl go to machine I was at. Worry that I left it all sweaty. Move on.

Run on track. Pass guy. Think smugly how much faster I am than him. See him running behind me still. Don't want him to pass me. Run really hard on last lap. Walk one more lap breathing heavily. He passes me. I still win.

See people playing Ultimate Frisbee on soccer field. Lame. Don't think about fact that at least they have friends with them. Go home.

Look in mirror, Exclaim "God I'm Ripped." Chuckle.