Heeeeeeere's Diesel!

Well, it has been awhile, so I decided that I better write for all my loyal fans... or rather just so I don't feel like I have my name on the side and do nothing to contribute. It has been a rough couple of weeks for me, I was on a habitat for humanity mission and saving little kids from fires. That and I have just spent about the last 3 weeks at the bars.

I was a cute kid

In that time I have come across an epiphany in my life. I know how to be successful, funny, loved by all my neighbors (except the nerdy one that no one likes... but you know that I hold a soft spot for him somewhere) and most important, how to have a HOT wife. The solution to it all? GET FAT*.

While most people will be in the gym, sweating for hours on the treadmills, lifting weights, doing the ABC workout (Abs, Biceps, Chest), I will be at home with my three buddies who look like me, (except for the black guy that is mandatory for PC reasons) drinking ambiguously labeled beers while watching the game eating the caviar of America... NACHOS... mmmmm... nachos...ahh

Ok, back on this subject, so you ask me... um, won't getting fat do the exact opposite for you? Well, if TV is 100% correct, which I am sure that it is, then the proof lies in the sitcom. I give example one. A little show I call King of Queens.

Our little show's hero is not the fittest fellas, but look at his wife? Does no one see the dispropotionality here? I mean, I'm not saying shes like Gisele hot, but still, he's fat, drives a UPS truck or something, and comes home to this? Plus, she's rich, she's like an agent or something. Example number 2. That show with the guy who is supposed to be British because he was in that movie where all the dudes stripped for some reason that I still don't understand but I think it was to make money or something... ok, i'm lost. Oh yea, well anyways, that dude and some lady. But still, the hypothesis is proven once again. I mean, the dude is stupid. He does nothing except make fun of his son, which is a plus, and make horrible jokes with his wife about their kids... yet therein lies the positive. Once again his wife is fairly hot. And yes, to justify once again, this is not model hot, but way too hot for him.

And for my final exhibit... PETER GRIFFIN. The dude is fat. Check. He is politically incorrect. Check. He makes fun of his children. Check. He has a black friend. Check. And yes, his wife is hot. I know, I know, let's justify this once again, shes not exactly Ariel hot, and definitely not Jessica Rabbit hot, but let's just say if Lois Griffin wanted to be my Mrs. Robinson... I might let her know.
Now looking back on all of this, I see no flaw in my logic and if there is... I'm going to ignore it. So if you don't hear from me in awhile, it's because I'm working out being fat. Prost!!

Oooooh... Jessica Rabbit...

*I am premptorally claiming Sharpe can't make the obvious, "you already are fat" joke.