Barely Adequate: In the Red

"I got a threshold, Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse I'll take. And right now I'm a race car and you got me in the red. I'm just saying that it's fuckin' dangerous to have a racecar in the fuckin' red. It could blow."

I realized today that something has been bothering me the past couple of days and I finally know what it is. Old people. That's right, old people. "But how can you say you don't like old people Diesel?" Because what are they going to do? Call me a whippersnapper? Tell me about how it used to be. Hell, they won't even find out because they won't turn on "that devil machine" that all of us born after prohibition (thank God) use everyday, the computer, to read this blog.

It's not the fact that their skin makes me feel funny because it's transparent or even the fact that when they talk while they eat they always accidentally spit little shards of corn out of their mouth without noticing. No, its the fact that they refuse to acknowledge modern technology.

If there is anything in this world I hate more, it is the college professor who proudly announces the times he’s been published or that he doesn’t watch TV. I love TV. I love TV more than anything. But TV can be educational too. It’s not just ESPN, Comedy Central, or late night Girls Gone Wild commercials that excite me way more than they probably should. There’s educational channels… although I usually just flip through them because they are boring as sin. Wait, on second thought, isn’t pre marital sex a sin? Sin isn’t boring, at least not for me. But yes, I do notice the bored look in her eyes everytime. Oh well, agree to disagree.

If only I could see around those pesky graphics…

AND ANOTHER THING. I hate old sayings. They are just plain annoying. Nothing funny to say here, they just annoy me. Like when an old person says “what in the Sam Hill…” or “Don’t eat that entire tube of cookie dough Ryan, you’ll put your stomach in a knot.” Well I got news for you Grandma, I will eat that cookie dough. And I am gonna enjoy it. It’s more fun than sitting here playing with the two toys you have left over from 1914. What the hell am I gonna do with 6 Lincoln Logs and a half inflated ball.

Well, on the other hand, I did get a whole tube of cookie dough from my grandma… ok, screw it, I love you grandma. You know how to make me fat and happy.