My Completely Useless Preview of Pats-Colts

Things You Are Not Likely to See During the Pats-Colts Game:
1. Courteous Pats Fans. In a survey of message boards and online chats, it was determined that 100% of Pats fans are obnoxious douchebags; with IQs hovering just below the single-cell organism line. Prokaryotes protest being mentioned in same breath...

No, I won't tell you what a prokaryote is...

2. Peyton using the Truck Stop at the goal line to stop Tedy Bruschi's heart after a 76 yard scramble which included many dazzling spins and incredible stiff arms. He's saving it for the Super Bowl...
3. The Colts confusing the Pats by bringing in several homeless men to stand on the sideline and call out plays for New England.
4. Tony Dungy giving up the Precious.

The Tampa Two is mine, my own, my preciousssss...

5. Marvin Harrison missing something out of the corner of his eye. Dude's got peripheral vision to rival The Chad's.
6. Colts fans who didn't drive their homes to the game. I love the Colts, but if you substituted a forest for the RCA dome I'd be scared someone would make me squeal like a pig...
7. Me. Selfish parents using their tickets on themselves. Guess I won't be blueing myself.

Dare you to find another sports article that mentions prokaryotes.

Not just a group of sad men getting together.

I'm angry because I was only halfway done blueing myself before I covered the rest of my face in white.