Sports and Why I'm Starting To Get Mad

**FANTASY FOOTBALL**

Alright. I know everyone loves fantasy football, but after carefully thinking about my picks, figuring out who will be passed to more, who will share carries, who are the constant producers, and even who might be my one "sleeper" pick... I am 0-3.

The worse part is that I'm not one of those 0-3 that lose by the second highest point total that day, oh no, I'm pretty much the lowest point total every sunday. The annoying part?? It's usually one person on my team that decides to be a freakin jackass and not produce... kinda like having 5 turnovers in one game and no touchdown passes. And no, my quarterback is not Rex Grossman, actually, come to think of it, Grossman might have made more points than my illustrious starting QB this week and that pains me, because I love my quarterback. He came from the best school in the Big Ten. He played in the Rose Bowl. He has a giant birthmark that I'm pretty damn sure he could have lasered off by now or something, just so it doesn't look like he missed his mouth with a fudge pop and then forgot to wipe his damn face. D. Brees, why do you do this to me?

I wasn't looking at it, I swear!

**COMMERCIALS DURING GAMES**

I don't think anyone will deny that I love Peyton Manning. In fact, he's actually number 16 and 18 on my "If I Were Gay" list. Thats #16 for his college days at Tennesee and #18 for his pro days. I like em young... what can I say.

What I don't like about Peyton Manning is that even I am becoming annoyed by his TV commercials. Let's all be honest. He peaked with his, "Cut that meat! Cut that meat!" ad. Yeah, I realize that he is still freakishly good and the commercials obviously aren't bothering his playing ability, but if I have to see him fake duck under that oompa loompa sized doorway and say, "Suh whay wouldunt yuh watch it on uhh Sonay?" and then sit down on the couch, I'm going to kick my dog straight in his fluffy head. It's quickly taking over the "This is Ouuuuuuur Country Ads". Go read KSK about the Sprint ads that make up the stupid city names for where people need service. Thats a good argument for my second least favorite ad.

"Your defense is offensive." - The Glory Days

**GREG ODEN**

I remember high school as a lot of me sitting around with my three friends thinking about which Metallica video we were going to watch that night. Should it be A"Live Sh*t - Binge and Purge" night or perhaps it was a documentary night where we could watch "Year and A Half - The Recording of the Black Album".

Am I a loser because I did these things? Probably, but I'm bigger than all of you now and I will beat you up. Unless I drink and in that case, even a 170 lb guy can take advantage of me.

But seriously. When I went to Lawrence North High School... we sucked. No one went to games because our football team was horrendous (actually, our defense was offensive), and our basketball team were all white. Not that I'm racist, but lets look at the Pacers. Good GMing Larry. Next he'll start holding Pep Klan Rallys to get everyone pumped. I bet Jermaine O'Neal even feels like he is losing any street cred he could of had by being on that team. Seven in Broad Ripple is going to turn into a giant fraternity house with guys like us actually being the cool ones.

But I digress (Adam, I'm going to need confirmation if that is the right word... not really sure what it means but it sounds right).

Greg Oden was supposed to be the one thing that made me look like I went to a cool high school. I was there his freshman year and ever since he became the phenom he is, I have ridden his coattails and lived vicariously through his coolness by trying to link myself through him through our highschool days. I usually tell people that we were like the Fonzie and Richie Cunningham of LN. With me being Fonzie of course because, Heeeeeey, I was way cooler.

And now.... NOW, he's going to ruin our Happy Days by having knee surgery that only like one person has ever come back from? Thats great. He's going to be the Ryan Leaf to Kevin Durant's Peyton Manning. I'm pulling for you Greg, but seriously, you're killing me.

**A HAPPY ENDING**

Well, I'm always one for a nice happy ending. (Insert asian joke here). So here is my happy ending for you all to think about.

Notre Dame. 0-4. Purdue. 4-0. Nice.

Next weekend, I like our chances of helping along Charlie Weis' imminent heart failure from eating so much comfort food that his heart clogs and his gastric bypass surgery explodes with more force than opposing defensive lines towards his precious boy wonder Clausen. (On a gay side note... dude, let me cut your hair, you look like the little bastard kid on the playground in grade school that would wear grey shirts with howling wolves and spilled red Kool Aid on them).

There is nothing more that is making me happier this year than watching an ex-Patriot lead a team that fired a winning coach that was responsible for Weis' only two good seasons just absolutely fall apart. Better yet, Purdue is already 25 in the coaches poll and is looking to be ranked again. Tiller, you're ok for now, atleast until next year when your entire defense is gone. But hey, as Hunter S. Thompson would say, "Buy the ticket, take the ride."

So with a nice quote from a guy that eventually shot himself in the head because he just got bored with living. I shall sign off and maybe in another month I'll post something again.

Diesel Out!