Things That Make Me Mad

It's been awhile since I did one of these, but recently, lots of different events have been happening that have driven me to the edge. It's now time to vent. However, for this segment in my Things That Make Me Mad volume, I will stick solely to social events that involve drinking. Think of it as a 60 minutes special edition kind of deal. Here we go!

People who can't get my name right.
I was born with a normal name. My name is Ryan. Oh god, now its out in the open, I hope I don't get stalked. And if I do you will be greatly dissapointed. Anyways, I tend to be formal when meeting people at bars and when I am introduced to new people I usually say, "Hi, I'm Ryan." Simple enough yet many people still tend to scream back at me, "Brian?!?!" This is fine, I'm still not bothered, I usually say, "No, it's Ryan... RRRRRRyan." However, if they scream back at me, "Brian?!?!" again, I get very, very, angry. Just think of the Hulk if instead of turning green he turned pale white. The reason I get angry is because if you were questioning the first time if my name was Brian, and I said anything other than, "CORRECT!" why would you repeat the obviously wrong name again, only louder, making it that much more annoying. This is when I tell them my last name which in a loud drunken environment is pandoras box of problems when opened, leading me to the next thing that makes me mad which is...

People who find my last name funny.
My last name is Poppe. Not Pop-E, not Pope-y, not Popay, not poop. Saying any of these in a laughing tone is enough to make me not like you... ever. My name is exactly like the Catholic guy, the Pope. This is usually how I explain to people how you say my last name after they can't discriminate between Ryan and Brian. This generally leads to the obvious joke that everyone seems to like when they say, "Hey, haha, where's the lawyer and the rabbi? Get it... get it?" Yeah... I got it... good one.

Red Headed girls who buy Red Headed Sluts
Yeah, we get the fact that you have red hair and that there so happens to be a drink with your hair color in the name. However, contrary to popular belief, I do not find it "neato" that you feel like this drink was named after you. I think that I have been attracted to maybe one red headed girl in my life and by saying I was attracted to her I mean she had big boobs and they distracted me from her god awful hair color.

Girls who sing and dance to "Like A Prayer"
I don't think I have ever met a girl who doesn't have some kind of retarded dance that she and her friends all made up one night to "Like A Prayer" by Madonna. As soon as the song comes on they all go apeshit and race around the entire bar rounding up the troops so they can all show the guys they are talking to some halfassed Spice Girls-esque dance. It's almost as bad as when everytime a Journey song comes on, every guy in the bar starts singing the song in a horrible Steve Perry imitation voice. Let's just say I think we said all we needed to say with Journey back in the 80s... let's leave them be.

The Acoustic Guitar Player at the House Party
This is going to be the last one because this really pisses me off. However, there is a fine line for this one. I will be the first to admit that I LOVE to play guitar when I am drunk. I love to warble out songs because I find it funny. This, if you ask me, is ok. And since I am writing this piece and am laying out the ground rules, it shall remain ok. What I dislike is when a guy sits down and starts to play some John Mayer or god help me if I hear an attempt at a Dave Matthews Band song again. I mean, can girls truly smell the desperation? I don't know whether to go kick him or congratulate him on finding the legal form of rufies. I can't tell you how many people have duped girls into hooking up with them by singing lame songs. It doesn't even matter if you are good or not, if they are drunk and you have no shame, it's like fishing with dynamite. I wont say anymore but I will leave you with this... "I know from experience dude, if you know what I mean."

Well, thats about it, I just become to angry for my own good when I write these things. Well then, lets end it on a good note. I love you all, except for Griz. He's actually number one on the things that piss me off list. Cheers!