Breaking National News!

The following news is coming over the wire-college girls from New Jersey are kinda trashy.



Take a deep breath and let this life changing info in. This hard hitting journalism has absolutely taken me off my game today. Seriously, I can barely watch TV my life is so rocked. I refuse to believe that a beauty pageant winner from New Jersey would get drunk in college and take mildly inappropriate pictures. A beauty queen doing something stupid/slutty? I just absolutely refuse to believe it. Young ladies from New Jersey have such a stellar reputation that it must be a joke to even mention these lies. The worst part of this is that the media is also trying to mutate the most harmless college holiday, Halloween, into something that girls use as an excuse to be slutty. What? They must hate candy. Sojo is absolutely enraged.


I have just viewed the pictures and I can say for a fact that they aren't even close to hot. After some hard hitting investigating I can say for a fact that they aren't even worth attempting to masturbate to. The only one that is even remotely hot is one where a guy is biting her boob. Whoops, did I accidentally type hot?


My real problem with this whole story is the fact that it is so completely useless. If any of you can say off the top of your head who won the biggest pageant in your state then I will give you ten dollars.* This isn't a story. The only way I would care about Miss (Ms?) Illinois is if she
1.) had at some point been tricked into hooking up with me
2.) would eventually hook up with me
3.) did porn
That's really it. Also, only in New Jersey would this be a plot worth attempting. The extorters were even too retarded to ask for money. Nice. I'm pretty sure then that this investigation is over because the only other people who would care about Miss NJ losing her crown would be the chick who got second. Find the one family member smart enough to operate a phone and BOOM! case closed. Fuck you Nancy Drew. Hey, that kinda rhymed.


*I will also even call Sojo and inform him that one of his friends has ten bucks which they would like to spend at a gay bar. Odds are he will even pay cover.