Why no Love?

It's hard for me to understand why more people are not into hockey. To me the only appeal it is lacking is that I personally suck at skating and have never played actual ice hockey. Compared to the other big sports of baseball, basketball, and football, hockey seems to come off favorably.

I think this picture sums up baseball for me. Hammock Up!

Watchability (TV)

• Baseball: Boring. Most easily compared to golf in my mind. Players barely move; usually only 2 guys even have to run on a play. BTW, for good times argue with Colbert why baseball athletes are the worst of any sport.
  
• Basketball: Can be exciting. Players don't try that hard in the first half; if games are close nothing really matters until the end.
• Football: Great, better on mute. IQ for announcers hovering somewhere below the retard line.
• Hockey: Great, announcers rarely verbally fellate players. Always people moving and violently colliding. High pitch of announcers voice tells you when something good happens in case you are paying attention somewhere else. EASILY AVAILABLE ON THE INTERNET (Good for lonely souls like me).

Gayness

• Baseball: Super gay. Biggest story lines concerning what is injected into each other's asses.
• Basketball: As long as Isiah is involved, Pretty gay.
• Football: 22 dudes in tights wrestling and tackling each other...but the Sex Cannon is all about the ladies.
• Hockey: Any sport that awards only a 5-minute penalty for a fist fight is not gay. Skating is gay only if you are not hitting each other with graphite sticks.

Video Games

• Baseball: Haven't really played one since RBI baseball 97, but I'm assuming they aren't any more fun than real baseball.
• Basketball: Well since I made a team comprising of us and played an entire season (albeit quite often intoxicated) I will rule Fun.
• Football: Also fun, but games take forever.
• Hockey: Fun. I believe we played more nhl 2002 than any other game freshman year (that is saying ALOT). I once updated the rosters from NHL 2002 (made in 2001) to represent the 2004 regular season.

"Hey, I know your tired from jogging that tilted square but after the game you want to see how much "steroids" I can inject in your ass?"

Real Life

• Baseball: Still gay. Only sport where they make you play with bigger balls once you're old
• Basketball: Fun; competitive even in your older years. Inspired generations of old men clinging to glory by putting in 300% effort while wearing industrial strength knee braces.
• Football: Never played with pads; still get adrenaline rush when tackling someone. Fun to see which people are scared of being tackled.
• Hockey: Only played roller hockey; fun but always the danger of falling over and skinning knee. Also rectal cancer.

...Willie Beamon...I keep the ladies...creamin'

Former Athletes

• Baseball: Everyone was forced to play it; everyone knows it's boring. Only people who found it was their best sport still support it as "America's Past-time."
• Basketball: Usually tall and goofy. Everyone in Indiana played at some time so it's hard to differentiate. One of only a few sports that inspires people who truly suck to still play.
• Football: Legendary for their cockiness. Only deserved if you were "All-State."
• Hockey: Don't know too many. Usually you get the feeling that they've already decided they could beat your ass in a fight.

So what if he's big, I bet he can't even do a double axle...pussy.

Well I got bored with this; but anyway, it's clear that hockey should at least be more popular than baseball (easily the gayest (not in the homosexual way) sport). I wish this was funnier, but hey, at least I have a penis.
By the way, if you have an interest in hockey, but are troubled because you don't know much about it, I would suggest playing fantasy hockey. You draft players based on how cute you think they are, and then when they score you get points! At least that's what my buddies told me.

I got this guy in the 5th round...now if I only knew how to crop that slut out so I could see his whole chest...